Lack of Love
by NoeA
Summary: A KakaSaku story. When a year is enough to get better than you have.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

 _"Lucky Naras, no one lectures you for being lazy_ ", Kakashi sighed reaching back to his pouch for his favorite book as he left hokage's residence. He strolled down the new streets keeping one eye on the page where he knew by heart every single line, and the other one on new buildings, stores and restaurants that once had changed his village. Sometimes it seemed like not only streets were changed, but people as well, and on some days he would catch himself heading to places where still the old atmosphere of the village could be felt in the air.

He walked, blessing old days with still genin team seven. Catching a cat, cleaning a river or walking dogs kinds of missions were so easy to deal with. And the more he thought about it, the more he hated that upcoming A rank mission that was waiting for him next day.

Konoha was beautiful in the autumn. Inhabitants had always found orange envelope suited the village a lot, bringing some kind of peace and warmth to it, and Kakashi wasn't an exception. On a such day he'd find a suitable tree to lean on, or a nice, flat roof, and read. " _Damn, Ichiraku... avoid it_ ". He walked the other direction seeing familiar red characters on the restaurant, as chances of Naruto, Sai or Sakura (his beloved, still sometimes annoying students), or all of them together being there were more than eighty percent. They weren't out for missions, and training hours were long over, so it was as simple as one plus one. It was just fine not wanting to be around anyone sometimes.

Kakashi involuntarily picked up his pace as he entered a very familiar playground, which was about seven minutes walk from his place. Seven more minutes and he'd finally be home putting into action his half baked plan of reading, making promised dinner for his pack and ignoring everything else.

"What's wrong with this girl? She's been crying here for the last twenty minutes".

"Hm, she'll scare kids, damn".

He heard in between rustling of leaves under his steps. Only due to his profession Kakashi had learned to listen every whispered word, no matter how important they were. On this case not important even a bit, but before he knew it his eyes roved surroundings to see who that crybaby was. A swing, a jungle gym with two boys trying to climb higher on. Then the other side... and there she was. The girl sitting under a tree, her forehead placed on her folded arms on her knees, looking like a pink wad because of her long hair that were falling down her sides reaching the ground. " _What the... maybe I should just..._ " Kakashi hesitated, but didn't even finish thinking about running away, when the girl lifted her jade eyes to look at him. " _Too late_ ". Kakashi sighed and moved towards Sakura, as there were no more options left for him.

* * *

Sakura didn't want to go home, neither did she want anyone (by that she meant the bastard who had just broken up with her) to find her (if he was to look for her). All that she needed were some answers that seemed no one could have given her. Every next heartbreak was harder to get over and every next heartbreak was leaving her with more questions. Even though she'd had only three of them, but still. After all, that was her heart that was aching either from loneliness or from break ups. She cried not knowing, or maybe not wanting to admit the real reason of her tears. They just wouldn't stop. ' _Why is it always this way?_ ' she asked herself for the hundredth time getting the same answer from her inner self for the hundredth time 'W _ho the hell knows_ '.

She felt it again, loneliness. Somehow it always knew how to find her and, as hard as she tried, she never managed to run away from it. It would come to remind her that she was getting older and, despite the fact that she had friends and family, she was lonely.

Sakura presumed, that she needed someone, her soulmate, the one she belonged with, the best one, her best one, the one that nowhere was found damn it. She would punch him in the face for not showing up for a damn long time.

A strong need to be hugged and comforted (more hugged than just comforted) overcame her. That hit just enough to make her think about heading off to a bar, finding a hot stranger and getting her portion of hugs. After all, many girls would do that sort of things, wouldn't they? _'Yeah, go for it, and one day you'll wake up in the middle of night from a cry of an offspring of yours and God knows whose... you'll be fat and worthless, even more than now..._ ' Sakura wanted to punch her inner self for lecturing morality at the moment, only her guts told her to look around to find the person who'd chosen to stare at her instead of minding their own business. And so she did to find a lazy and puzzled gaze that belonged to her former teacher. ' _Please, come talk to me_ ', the voice plead inside her head. Maybe Kakashi could've been the one to give her some answers she needed. 'A _nd a little bit of that comfort thing maybe? Don't forget to ask him to give you your portion of hug_ '. Sakura found the last thought inappropriate. She wasn't even sure if she liked that idea or hated it, but controlling thoughts wasn't her strong suit anyway.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Sakura tried to answer him, but the little effort that she made to speak only pushed some tears down her eyes, and she felt pathetic and angry again.

As no answer came, Kakashi repeated his question ones more, making his voice softer than it was before. His hand went up Sakura's forearm as he spoke, feeling her skin soft and cold against his warm fingers.

"Kakashi what's wrong with me?" She skipped "sensei" or "sempai" part in her question and that was a rare case, so Kakashi learned he was not going to get off lightly. He mentally put paid to his old plan of a perfect evening and made a new one - to be a good friend as he was.

He sighed, as if guessing what had happened. For him it was a usual thing, couples broke up and went back together all the time, but some people just had to put a whole lot of drama in it. That sigh that left his masked lips affected Sakura more than it should have. Why was he sighing? What was that supposed to mean? Why was that so hard to understand men? She moved from cry-your-heart-out phase to angry-as-hell phase all at once, and Kakashi happened to be the one to handle that.

"Seriously, what's wrong with me? Am I..." pause "Am i ugly?" Kakashi made a did-i-hear-it-right face, only Sakura couldn't have seen it because of the navy fabric covering lower part of his face.

"Am I stinky? Am I fat?" her voice was getting higher and higher with each asked question and her eyes bigger and wider.

"Am I..." she never got to finish the last sentence, as Kakashi gave her arm a little shake.

"Sakura, Sakura!" they both fell in silence for about ten seconds. Kakashi looked at women whispering in each other's ears then back at Sakura. He ran his thumb lightly over her skin to make sure he had her attention, and spoke again

"Let's get you out of here first. Where'd you like to go?"

'H _e's changing the subject'._ "I want to drink".

"No, no, tears and alcohol are not good combination. Let's take you home."

"No, I don't want to go home, you can leave me here". Sakura placed her forehead on her forearm, strands of her soft hair caressing Kakashi's fingers that were still lightly wrapped around her arm. Kakashi knew that she didn't want to stay alone there in the park, even though she told him to leave, besides what kind of a man and friend he'd be, if he left her like that. Being honest though, running away to his book had crossed his mind more than once.

"Then, let's go to my place, it's close and no one can find you there". Sakura wasn't looking at him, but she could say his face was only an inch away from hers, and, somehow, she was certain he was giving her one of his meaningful smiles.

Not long afterwards Sakura was in Kakashi's bathroom. She ran the tap and stood there in front of his mirror staring at her own reflection. Red eyes and nose, messy hair, plus a breath far from being fresh. ' _You look terrible girl.'_ with a small "ah" she started to wash her face. A few splashes of cold water felt pleasant against her skin. She pulled her hair back in a loose braid and continued attacking her face with gradually freezing water until her fingertips went numb. She looked at her reflection again and finding it not so bad reached for the towel. _'Kakashi sensei's towel...'_

Next came her breath, that still needed a special treatment. Sakura took a handful of water in her mouth and rinsed it, and then again, and then third time with no results, so not bothering to think long she simply reached for Kakashi's toothpaste. For a second her gaze fell on his toothbrush, but she shook away the crazy thoughts. And where was she getting them?

' _Mint and honey_...'

Meanwhile Kakashi prepared two mugs of tea knowing for sure that Sakura wouldn't mind it. He just knew she didn't like her tea hot. They knew those little things about each other and that was fact. Not only him and Sakura, but Naruto and Sai as well. He couldn't tell the same about Sasuke though, because he was away all the time, but the four of them were close. When did that happen? He kept asking himself that question since the day, when he saw Sakura having hard time taking out all tiny leaves of tea from his mug.

It was quiet. Too quiet. Some sounds would be heard from here and there, but still. After some time and dozen sips Kakashi decided it was time to go back to their left-behind conversation, just wasn't sure how to start it without pulling the trigger of her tears in the process. He watched Sakura resting her chin in her palm glaring nowhere and cleared his throat.

"How do you feel now?" with a little "hm" Sakura fell out of her thoughts.

"Not sure." He hoped to make eye contact, but her gaze fell somewhere far.

"Something tells me that some good-looking guy needs to get his ass kicked." He took another sip of his tea watching Sakura drop her forehead on the dry wooden surface of the table.

"Kicking asses doesn't change things, I've tried."

' _Of course, you have'._ Kakashi's eyes softened as he adjusted his palm under his chin.

"I'm 24, still without any proper guy by my side, or even an option to choose one to be with. They drop me before I get chance to decide whether I like them or no. I've tried, really, so hard, but..." she raised her hand to wipe tears from her cheeks. "What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Tell me as a man, not a friend." Silence again. Kakashi remained silent, ' _let's see: short temper, lack in self-confidence and femininity, rude, need to take everything and everyone under control, rather friend type than a lover type... quite much'_. They were friends, and they were close, but could he say all that things to her? After all she was a young woman who got her heart broken about two hours ago.

"Sakura, look... you are kind, caring, beautiful, honest, if a guy doesn't see all the good things in you and appreciate that, you should be the one who drops him".

Sakura looked at him. ' _You sound just like my mom_ '. She never replied to Kakashi, not that there was much left to say anyway. She hoped to listen something from a man who knew her good enough to give a piece of advice, but the answer he'd given her proved her wrong. Maybe it was stupid at all to talk about it with him? That crossed her mind, but eventually won the other part of her, which voted for a male audience. And now there she was, without a clue.

As for Kakashi, he knew he wasn't being much help, he wanted to help her somehow, only didn't know how. He was a man, apparently, and wasn't an expert in that kind of conversations. He wasn't sure what exactly to say or do. For a second he thought that maybe it would be right to mention some of her not charming features, but the right moment now was gone, and second, he didn't want to get punched.

Sakura moved to stand in front of the window staring at her own reflection in it. It was almost midnight when Kakashi suggested to walk her home. She needed a good sleep, and he wouldn't mind one as well. Remembering the mission that was waiting for him in the morning Kakashi cursed again, he was still hating it.

"I can go alone, you need to... rest." Sakura finished her sentence after yawning. She wouldn't mind his company further, but his half open eyes and slow movements were giving away his tiredness.

Kakashi fought back the urge to yawn himself. He was too tired to think, he didn't want to go farther his bedroom and he couldn't let Sakura go alone, so he put together obvious facts and came up with a perfect solution.

"What about you stay here?" Sakura expected further persuasion to walk home together, for Kakashi's place wasn't for staying over, everyone knew that. Maybe she was the first person in that apartment's history to stay over. She stared at him not knowing how to thank for being around, how much she appreciated it.

"I... I..." She looked down feeling tears forming in her eyes again.

"You're taking the couch." Kakashi didn't wait for her to say anything, he already knew what was on her mind. No words needed to be spoken.

That morning Sakura woke up to an empty room. She stared at the ceiling for some time, before realizing that it was not her bedroom. Soft blanket slid down her shoulders, as she sat folding her right leg under herself and stretching her arms above her head yawning. ' _No clock, so like sensei'_. Her eyes quickly ran over the few pieces of furniture in Kakashi's modest living room before stopping over the apple that was pinning down a sheet of paper on the small table not far from the couch. She reached for the white sheet of paper and read to herself.

 _'I'm off for my mission, feel free to have breakfast, take a shower if you want to, also you could clean up, know that I wouldn't mind_ ', and a small henohenomoheji. Creating Kakashi's smiling face in her mind, Sakura folded the blanket, putting it on the edge of the couch, then tucked the note into her pocket and made a beeline towards the door taking along the apple. Stopping in front of the door she looked back for a moment. That was childish but she walked back to unfold the blanket she'd folded a minute ago and to leave a note for Kakashi. " _Thanks for being such a good host, you're the best"._

"If you don't have any questions, move in three hours".

"Yes". Sakura replied automatically and left hokage's office. She was glad to have an easy mission, which would keep her mind busy with other things than her personal life, or its absence. Packing her belongings didn't take long, so she was on her way in two hours.

Ghost. That's how she'd been calling herself for the last six days. She found that matching her perfectly. Her words, actions, or sometimes even her presence were unseen, just like a ghost's. ' _So, a ghost is going to escort a rich lady, and beautiful, and happy, and rich…_ ' Sakura played that same thought in her mind over and over again until she realized that it was time to knock on the door. It took only seconds before a very handsome, middle aged man opened the white door to invite Sakura in.

"Haruno Sakura I suppose, my name is Hayao. My lady is waiting for you." ' _My lady?_ ' Sakura nodded passing through the door, and the moment she stepped in, it felt like she went through some portal to another world. The light inside made her blind, the lush scent of crimson roses caressed her nose and a weird kind of nervousness dominated over her. She'd seen many rich people before, but this was different. Everything was too much, too much pressure... the servants were wearing red and white instead of black and white, the furniture was all white, not even a piece of black or brown. She went forward trying to hide her confusion and nervousness, and there was she, the lady that was waiting for her, standing in front of a bunch of red roses arranging them into a vase with no hurry.

Little did she know then, that that mission was going to change whole lot of things in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Cold December wind hit Kakashi's face. Watching his own hot breath cloud, he tucked his hands in his pockets to keep them warm and sped up. Ichiraku was now in his sight. The place where his former and only students were waiting for him as always.

Once in three or four months they would organize those little reunions, but Kakashi would miss them sometimes only not to cause big damage to his wallet, justifying himself with the fact that he could meet them any other day in the village (without spending money). However， that day would be the last meet up in that year, so missing it didn't seem much fun.

With no rush Kakashi pushed one of the short white curtains aside to find Sai, Naruto and Sakura already enjoying their meals. Naruto was actually having his second portion of ramen already, he could say due to empty bawl in front of him. He was late as always, but they all knew Kakashi never could let down an old lady who needed a help, could he?

Three young and the most famous jounins of new generation were laughing over something when someone cleared his throat to announce his presence. All of them turned their heads to see their former sensei standing there with a hand in the air saluting them. It seemed like time was just passing by that person. It had changed everyone in the village but Lady Tsunade and Kakashi, only if the first one had a jutsu to back her up, the latter had nothing, unless his mask was meant for keeping one young.

Naruto just called his name before turning his attention back to his bawl. Then came Sakura's "You're right on time sensei". She took her coat from the stool next to her to drape it around her shoulders, lightly tapping the surface of the stool in process. Kakashi closed his eyes and shook his head as if in disbelief when Sakura teased him for being late, but didn't miss the little gesture she made, so he slowly moved forward his irony confidence reflecting on his face, while pair of black eyes were fixed on him.

"Sensei, why didn't you sit by my side?" Sai asked one of his innocence questions making big eyes. Naruto shift his attention from his bawl to his former team leader again, and Sakura decided to play along, making round eyes as well. Three of them pinned their glares on Kakashi waiting for his response.

"Huh?... I was planning on convincing her to pay for me too, but now, thanks to you, I can throw it out the window", came Kakashi's answer sounding as innocence as Sai's question, making all four laugh.

* * *

Days now were short. Air around held the smell of snow, that wouldn't fall down yet, as if waiting for a special occasion. Four figures left Ichiraku ramen restaurant and after five minutes waved each other goodbye. Two young men went the same direction leaving the pink haired girl in the company of silver haired man. They exchanged glances and smiles, and while Sakura would zip up her coat Kakashi cast a glance at her. She didn't seem... anxious?

"You have a new haircut", he walked first but kept a low pace for her to join him. Sakura stared at his back for a second.

 _Flashback_

"Men like long hair", Sakura insisted traversing her fingers through her long hair as if making her point.

"Have you asked all men?" The middle-aged women raised her eyebrow and gave her a smile that Sakura would rather name smirk.

"Wha... no, but they do", Sakura was sure of it, she just knew it and couldn't lose that battle.

"And I know someone..." the lady raised her pointing finger to emphasize her words, "who thinks that long hair get in the way in bed." Sakura's face turned into a red tomato from the chuckle that escaped handsome butler's mouth.

"Look, sweetheart", the woman went on as Hayao wrapped her shoulders in a scarf, "some men like long hair, some of them like them short, but there's something that all men have in common - they can tell whether you feel comfortable in your own skin or no. So, it's much more important how do _you_ like them".

 _End of flashback_

Sakura combed her hair with her fingers as she caught up with Kakashi.

"I like my hair short".

"What happened to 'all men like long hair' and years of persistently growing them?"

"Turns out some men find long hair get in the way in..." Kakashi looked at her from the corner of his eye as if knowing what she was about to say, "...sometimes". Sakura continued. Her lips extended on her face，but she kept them in a tight hold knowing that Kakashi was still looking at her.

"Yeah, sometimes they do get in the way". They both turned to a narrower street keeping their speed.

"So you prefer short hair?" Sakura couldn't help but ask. Her girly nature had always kept her curious about Kakashi's personal life, what he had preference for, and because conversations hinting the topic were popping up once in fifteen years, that would be a crime to miss the chance.

"Hn? How do I like your hair?"

"No", she looked at his profile, "I mean how do you prefer them?"

"Not on my face. Sometimes". It took a moment longer for Sakura to understand what he meant, and when she did, she couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle, excited with the first inappropriate information Kakashi had shared with her.

"You know you always can turn things around".

"Or just get behind them". Kakashi regretted his answer, but it didn't seem to bother Sakura much. On the contrary, it made her laugh as if it was a casual joke.

Sakura waved bye and disappeared in the building entrance a minute ago, but Kakashi was still there. He didn't know the reason, he just stood, but no longer than another short moment. _'Interesting'_. He didn't have any chance to see Sakura out of duty since her breakup, so on his way to Ichiraku he'd made a mental note - to have a small private conversation with Sakura to find out how was she doing. Now he wasn't sure if they needed that conversation at all.

* * *

Sakura stayed in good mood for the rest of the day. She entered her warm place, that lately grew on her even more, and with _'finally home_ ' she took off her boots, then changed into her cozy house clothes and cuddled into her new fuzzy blanket. She didn't even realize she fell asleep until she woke up around midnight to a dark room. Watching artificial lights creating shadows on the walls she replayed the day in her mind hugging her blanket and keeping it closer to her chest, feeling its warmth and softness on her body. That definitely was a good day. She smiled to no one and stood up stretching her arms, but immediately wrapped the blanket back around her frame to bring back the warmness.

Sakura moved to her kitchen slowly carrying the long tale of blanket after herself. Now that she had woken up, it sounded as a good idea to drink a cup of tea, thinking a little bit about different things.

And while the kettle would boil, the pinkie found a black notebook on her coffee table and went back to the kitchen. That notebook held whole lot of thoughts she'd been thinking on around three months now. There were sentences written on random lines, on different pages, some of them written in capital letters and circled in red, the others weren't notable but still had red checks or red underlines with short side notes written even smaller:

 _Cleaning - not a big fan - why should I become one? My place is my reflection. Women keep clean their space and their minds. Love the space you live in. Try to feel HOME at your place._

 _Kindness and caring - I'm fine with that (crossed out) - try to be kind not only to those you know or like, but be kind in general. At least TRY! Buy a pet or a plant to take care of._

 _FLIRT NATURALLY MAKING IT A PART OF YOU._

 _Accept yourself - ... - if you can't accept even yourself how can you accept another person?_

 _Respect and love yourself - ... - the same..._

 _Smile more!_

 _You don't have to be perfect, neither should pretend to be someone you're not._

 _Is it ok to be rude to people who hurt you?_

 _Is it ok to flirt with men you work with? - Totally fine_

 _Is it ok to love things that other women don't?_

 _It's totally FINE not to look at your best every day, to go around without a make up, just make sure you still have neat appearance!_

 _How to make a physical contact with a man and not look like a slut? Have a really good reason to do so, and, hey, you're a medic!_

 _Will men appreciate Me?_

 _Men don't like acting, so whatever you do make it look perfectly natural._

 _Are men and women friends? Could be._

 _How to understand men? - understand yourself first, then think about it again..._

 _Try to give a man glances secretly when you're in public, so that only he sees._

 _A soft touch on his hand makes him want more!? (need to check)_

She skimmed through the pages, then took the pen and wrote a new note: _turns out men notice more than they show._

* * *

And here it was, another New Year and Kakashi wasn't the biggest fan of it. All his closed wounds tended to open on that day. To him it meant nothing more than just another year he had made through. Another year of painful memories and regrets. That night was going to be one of many other ones he had spent by memorial stone, at least that's how it was originally planned.

After two hours of defiance Kakashi's nerves gave in, not being able to bare speeches of youth, spring, and drops of saliva on his face any longer. His face though showed nothing more than his usual blank and bored expression.

"Come on Kakashi, it's going to be fun. Free food and drinks, young kunoichis, nothing more to ask for" Kakashi wasn't sure whether that was Kotetsu or Izumo, they both were standing behind him.

"Yeah Kakashi, it's going to be fun. Free food and drinks, young shinobis, nothing more to ask for" and of course that was Anko, though Kakashi wasn't sure what exactly that meant, so he was going to beat the crap out of her during group training just in case.

Some part of Kakashi was happy that his friends hadn't given up on him. No matter how many times he refused to hang out with them, they would come to invite, or rather to drag him to different events or just bars, and of course he never had to regret joining them. Except the times when they were charged for damages to property during their stupid drunk races and when he almost got caught making out with his married sex partner in her bedroom. But that day he wanted to spend alone with his memories and thoughts.

There were lanterns everywhere, a lot of them, decorating streets, houses, shops, restaurants, everything. Now that New Year was just an hour away from Konoha, one could barely find a soul in the streets. Naruto was invited to celebrate with Hinata and her family. Ino had convinced Sai to meet her mom (finally) and celebrate together (after which she started to believe in New Year's magic). Sakura hadn't planned anything for the night, but her mom would give a long lecture about family reunion if she didn't show up, so she decided to visit her parents to wish them happy New Year. And of Kakashi, he

slowly walked through the streets. Red lights were reflecting on his silver messy hair making them more like pink. Even cold night wind didn't make him quicken his pace, on the contrary, he stopped to tip his head back to look at the dark gray sky, then idly slipped his mask down taking deep breaths. He closed his eyes as cold hit his skin. That was something he had missed. He stood like that until something lightly landed on his cheek tickling his skin, then another one on his closed eye. Kakashi slowly opened his eyes and looked at the sky again, now full of snowflakes, landing down softly.

"Sakura!" Sakura turned her head towards the living room hmming, where the voice of her mom came from. "You were supposed to get the dishes, not to stare out the window".

"Yeah, yeah." murmuring under her breath Sakura turned to move throwing one last glare outside at the leaving man figure. _'He's alone.'_ was all that she could think about.

"Sakura hurry up!" The woman crossed her arms looking more annoyed than usual. Still so much to do and her daughter was dozing off.

"Tch... Why so long?" She walked a few paces across the living room to find Sakura abruptly snatching her coat and scarf off the cloth hook and disappearing through the door yelling something that sounded like 'sorry'. She stood open-mouthed looking at her husband whose expression was indicating his unawareness.

There was just a little click, but that was enough to snap Kakashi out of his nap. One must have been stupid, to say the least, to sneak into a shinobi's apartment who had more than thirty years of experience under his belt. Within ten seconds Kakashi grabbed a kunai from his pouch that was carelessly tossed on the table without making any noise and moved towards his bedroom to meet his intruder. He watched him sitting on the window still as if waiting for him to show up. It took him five more seconds to realize that it actually was her, not him, and that he knew her very well.

"Sakura? What are you doing here?" Kakashi almost whispered putting the kunai away. His heart skipped for a second thinking that something bad might have happened to make her sneak in into his apartment at that time.

"Your window was open." came a cheerful answer from the pink haired girl at which Kakashi raised his eyebrow. He knew that voice that made his heart calm down.

"And you've come to close it?" All Kakashi got as an answer was her rolling eyes, before changing the subject.

"Do you know how hard it is to convince an old grumpy to open his shop to sell you a bottle of sake fifteen minutes before New Year?" She gave the bottle in her hand a light jiggle giggling and earning a smile in return.

"8,7,6" Sakura caught some distant voices and hurried to the living room

"Your neighbors are loud" She looked up at the ceiling.

"Usually not" Kakashi followed her gaze.

3,2,1

"Happy New Year Kakashi sensei!" With a big bright smile on her face, she put the bottle down and made three big steps forward, throwing her arms around Kakashi's shoulders and pressing a chaste kiss to his masked cheek. She was glad she made it on time. Sakura pressed to his strong frame, feeling him with her body, and all at once loud neighbors' voices, booms of fireworks, all 'hurrays' and 'wows' coming from outside seemed so far, and the only thing that Sakura heard was the rapid and loud heartbeat.

To think of it, that was the first time she was hugging him. For the first time, she noticed how tall he actually was, and how he fitted perfectly into her arms, and how good he smelled... Well she couldn't blame herself for having those thoughts but preferred to put them aside to think of "the problem". Why wasn't he hugging her back. Maybe that was too much? Maybe she was being unceremonious? She'd been picturing that moment in a different way. To say the truth, then Sakura felt a little bit embarrassed, but there was no way she was going to show it. Instead she decided that it was time to pull away, but was stopped, cause right at that moment Kakashi wrapped his arms around her body as tight as he could without stifling her, dipping his nose into the warmness of her neck. Now it was the way she had imagined it.

"Happy New Year Sakura." He murmured against her skin sending shivers and goosebumps down her body. Sakura realized that now there were two rapid heartbeats.

* * *

An hour later Kakashi was sitting on his couch with his head tipped back. He dropped now empty bottle of sake down on the floor with a loud pop and tilted his head down to look at Sakura, who was lying there cozily using his thighs as a pillow.

"You should've brought two, stingy." Kakashi scowled.

"Look who's talking!" she pinched him in return.

Now the neighbors were quiet, and no booms of fireworks were there. They had decided to keep the lights off, so the living room was filled only with the red lights coming from outside.

Sakura closed her eyes once again enjoying Kakashi's fingers playing with her hair as they carried on their chat about old missions, exams, hard work they'd done, the war and what came after.

"You know, I miss him sometimes." She didn't need to say his name, she knew he'd understand.

"You still love him, don't you?"

"We all do, don't we?" Silence again. Of course, they all loved Sasuke and all of them missed him, but he had chosen his own way, and they had nothing to do with it, they just had to accept it.

"I still cannot believe you've missed it." she was being dramatic again blaming Kakashi one more time (as if it was his fault) for being absent from possibly the most epic scene of the last war, when Sasuke and hokages appeared in the battlefield, leaving everyone in awe. No one was expecting that.

"Well I was kind of busy." Kakashi let out a chuckle, but Sakura should've been blind, which she was not, not to notice change of his mood, and she knew the reason. No doubt Kakashi was a strong man, both physically and mentally, but he was carrying way too much in his soul.

She'd come to let him know and feel that he was not alone, that he had friends to share the pain with, and she was too drunk to hesitate before reaching to stroke his cheek. Kakashi could feel warmth of her skin through his mask, enjoying it secretly. He bent down and for a second Sakura thought he was going to kiss her. Her heart skipped, her breath froze, her lips parted just an inch, but the kiss never came. He just covered her hand with his, rubbing it slightly. ' _Warm_ '.

"You never told what that felt like to see Obito again after considering him dead for so many years". She broke the silence.

"Do you really want to talk about it right now? I'm too sober for that one". Kakashi set back straight sliding his hand down her arm to place it on the couch.

"We've already started this conversation, so yes, I want to." she took her hand off of his cheek too, but only because it would be weird to keep it on his face any longer. She learned that she had liked touching him.

Kakashi sighed.

"I was sad," he paused for a second. "I was happy, I was angry, I was confused, I was paralyzed." He looked her in the eyes. "Speechless while being his punching bag".

"Quite confusing".

"You think so?"

"You know that he had forgiven you, don't you?"

Kakashi knew that, but that wasn't making it any easier for him. There were times when the knot in his throat would get bigger, suffocating him, and now he was about to fall deep into his sad and painful memories again, only a certain pinky wouldn't let that happen.

Sakura groaned pushing herself up on her elbows. Kakashi stroked some strands of her hair for one last time before taking his hand out of pink mess.

"I should've brought two bottles". Struggling for couple of seconds she sat down folding one leg under herself.

"Are you in the mood?" Sakura looked at Kakashi playfully. She couldn't see his face clearly, but she didn't need it to be sure that he was interested.

"For…?" Kakashi asked intrigued.

"What does it mean? It's snowing, of course for building a snowman." Kakashi was, let's say, surprised. That was the last thing he would think of.

"What are you, five?"

"No, I'm four, now let's go."

"That's not happening."

"Please."

"No."

"Pleaaaase, Kakashi-senseeeei..." now she put her hand on his thigh to support her weight and leaned in making puppy eyes. Kakashi slid his eyes to her mouth, neck and upwards. ' _Too close'._

Not long afterwards they were outside. It had been snowing for more than two hours now and wasn't showing any signs of stopping. Kakashi sighed one more time shaking his head.

"Come on, help me!" Kakashi turned to see Sakura already rolling a snowball for her snowman. To him it seemed the perfect time to piss her off, so he rolled a snowball himself and threw it at her earning a loud squeak. She barely turned her head to face him just to be hit again, this time on the head. He didn't put much force into it but that was enough to make her lose her balance and fall down on the snowball she'd been making, crashing it.

"Damn! Are you five?" She started to get rid of the snow that was already melting on her skin flowing down her neck.

"No, I'm four". Kakashi walked closer but never suggested his hand to help. They exchanged 'aren't you going to help me?' and 'nope' glances, to what Sakura rolled her eyes making a face. All right, maybe he was being a jerk...

"I can't believe I'm doing this". Kakashi sighed again, but despite finding it stupid, started making a new snowball for the snowman. When did he do that last time? A century ago, plus minus couple of years. He stopped rolling it to give a nice round shape with his hands. If they were going to do that, they were going to do that right. He took a handful of snow to glue it with the snowball, when felt a sharp and rather cold sting on the side of his face. He froze as the snow wet his mask, making contact with his warm skin and sending shivers down his body.

"Now we're even." Sakura passed by proud of herself. She squatted down in front of him to be at the same level as him and stretched her hand out as if 'let's cease fighting and live in peace', but Kakashi had totally different views.

"That's a war".

Afterwards squeaks and chortles filled the empty street, echoing in the air. They got louder and louder with each passing minute, careless, like kids. They would bury one another's face in the snow to be thrown away and attacked again with no mercy.

Eventually one of the pissed neighbors interrupted them, who opened his window up yelling.

"It's three in the morning, you idiots!". The voice made both Sakura and Kakashi break apart and look at each other, before bursting out in laughter again. Now they both were soaked in from head to toe, with red faces, blue lips, wet hair and frozen fingers.

"I'm first!"

"It's my place!"

"Ladies first!"

"Who told you that I'm a gentleman?"

They had been arguing over taking the bathroom all the way back to Kakashi's place. Both were wet, both were cold, and both wanted hot shower first. They tossed their boots somewhere on the floor racing to the desirable part of the apartment. And Sakura almost succeeded. She even put a leg into it to be pulled back and left to stare at the shut door.

"Respect elders." Kakashi said ignoring loud raps on the door.

"I'm going to die, freeze and die," she heard him running the water "and all the shinobis..." still no answer "our friends are going to die too, because the best medic of Konoha..." she stopped yelling as the bathroom door opened wide enough for Kakashi to drag her inside and push under the hot stream. She closed her eyes and gasped. Hot water became cold blending with the melted snow soaked in her sweater, causing her skin cover with goosebumps, but it was fine by her. Soon enough she felt hot water touching her skin, making her warm. ' _Blissful'._

Sakura, feeling just like in heaven, had forgotten that she wasn't alone until a hand guided her to take a step backwards, her back almost touching the wall. She opened her eyes to see something she wouldn't have expected, ever. Who could've known that her former teacher could be that attractive in wet clothes and water running over his body?

Kakashi was standing with his eyes closed, his messy hair falling over his left eye idly, his wet shirt firmly glued to his torso so that one could've pictured every single curve of it. Sakura slid her eyes up and down his body. He was gorgeous. If he managed to look that hot while being fully clothed, she'd like to see how he looked without them. And right at that thought Sakura mentally slapped herself. ' _Damn girl, this man is your friend, and used to be your teacher, stop it right now_ '. She looked away trying to distract herself from looking, or thinking of Kakashi. _'No more drinking with this guy'._ She blamed it on the sake they'd been drinking, but that was lame, she wasn't even dizzy at the moment.

She looked at his chest again and traced down when his voice broke in.

"It's all yours".

"W-What?" _'All mine? His body? Why would he...?'_

"Yeah, enjoy". And with that Kakashi stepped back leaving Sakura alone to digest his words. _'Enjoy the shower, stupid!'_ She wanted to slap herself for being that much of an idiot.

Kakashi found three towels in the small vanity that was standing in the furthest corner of the bathroom. He put all of them on the vanity, then repositioned himself, so that now his back was turned to Sakura. With swift movement he got rid of his wet shirt, tossing it on the floor with a loud wet sound. He was about to take his pants off as well but stopped to speak.

"It'd be nice if you didn't stare".

"Don't flatter yourself". Sakura replied stiffly and turned around to face the wall, letting hot water run over her body again. She was thinking about him being naked only a moment ago, and now, just like on purpose, he was taking off his shirt. That was unfair. Oh, how hard it was to fight back the urge to look at him, when every single cell in her body was protesting that decision. And where did it come from? She couldn't let him notice that.

Kakashi took off remained pieces of clothing too, keeping an eye on the girl, that seemed had no intentions to peek, which was still weird. He wrapped one of the towels around his waist, then draped another one over his head to hide his face from the view, and left humming.

He hurried into his bedroom hating the feeling of cold air against his warm skin. It didn't take long to find a pair of his casual navy pants and shirt, which he put on almost with the speed of light. After he started to rub his hair with a towel to get them dry, and one would never think that Kakashi was simply annoyed, because his favourite former student, the same young and that day strangely more attractive than usual girl in his shower refused to stare at him. He pouted before stretching his mask over his face, making his way to the kitchen to prepare two mugs of tea.

"Kakashi..." Sakura's voice distracted him from his thoughts.

"Hm", came the simplest of possible answers. When Sakura didn't reply, he assumed that his voice wasn't loud enough, so he called her name to let her know he was listening.

"I have nothing... to wear".

"Are you sure? Cuz when you came over you were fully clothed." he smirked.

"Ha ha ha, so funny".

"I wasn't joking... if you were shirtless, that would catch my eye". He pressed his lips tightly together to fight back his urge to snigger and went to lean on the doorframe with his hands in his pockets.

"Give me something to wear".

"Where's the magic word?"

"Please". Came after a brief pause.

"Sorry, you see the last day I donated all my clothes, so I don't have a spare shirt now".

Sakura knew he was doing it on purpose, some other guy would have just given her something to wear, but that was Kakashi and not some other guy, and right at the moment he was being himself.

Sakura waited hoping that he would show mercy, but that never came, so she just took a breath to do quite a stupid thing.

Kakashi was still leaning on the doorframe as if waiting for something. Well he was waiting for Sakura's response, but definitely not herself personally, half naked. It was his turn to stare speechless. She appeared in front of him with only a towel wrapped around her wet and very naked body, saying something that he didn't even catch, he just saw her mouth move. Well she called him a jerk, so he wouldn't be happy to hear it anyway, but would've had a chance to lecture her.

He felt confused and weird. With any other half naked woman he would feel excited, they wouldn't even be talking, they would get down to business right away. But that wasn't any other woman, that was Sakura. And she was in nothing but a towel. She threw him into a knockout, and he admitted it. Damn, sure that was a knockout, the towel was barely covering her ass. Wasn't she shy?

Meanwhile in Sakura's head - _'What the hell are you doing? No, you can't do that. No you can do that. Come on, it'll be fun. No, it'll be stupid. Go take something to wear yourself. Ok, just show yourself to him, call him a jerk, and then go take something to wear. No don't show up in that, what's wrong with you? He's your sensei! Ok, don't panic.'_

She passed by Kakashi not forgetting to elbow him, which he didn't move to dodge. _'Interesting'_.

Once again, they were sitting in his kitchen drinking tea. The only difference this time was that no one was crying, no one had had a break-up, and one of them was naked, almost.

' _You should've had gone for a shirt, not sit here drinking tea as if everything Ok!'_ Sakura started to get nervous and her movements were giving her away. She couldn't stop herself from blushing and touching her neck all the time. Cold drops of water were falling from her wet hair right on her back and shoulders crawling down, making her skin cover in goosebumps. Kakashi didn't miss any of those. He knew how was she feeling at the moment bu it was so much fun to follow her behaviour. Soon enough she lost her temper eventually.

"Do you even have a conscience?"

"Not enough sugar?"

Sakura tightened her fists annoyed.

"I hate you! You, you're impossible!"

"Thanks, I get that a lot". Kakashi replied idly watching her going somewhere, but he was too sleepy to bother. He just sat there and looked out the window, it was still snowing. He smiled. This new year was totally different from all others he'd had.

"Your closet is a mess!" Kakashi turned his head to see Sakura walking in now wearing one of his navy long-sleeved shirts. It suited her. The cloth wasn't longer than the towel, but it was covering her upper body. For a second Kakashi wondered whether she was wearing any underwear or not. ' _That's too much_ '. Watching (and enjoying) her wrapped in a towel was fine, liking her having his shirt on herself was fine, but thinking about her underwear appeared to be crossing lines.

"Sleepy?" He changed the topic

"I'm taking the couch, I guess". Of course she was sleepy.

Sakura took the mugs from the table to put them in the sink.

"And you know where the blanket is".

"M-hm". Kakashi threw one last glare at her back. Two things were clear to him - first, she had a nice body, which he assumed was totally inappropriate observation, second, he had to stop it. He wasn't even sure what exactly, but it needed to be stopped. He wished her a good night, and made his way towards his bedroom, closing the door behind his back.

* * *

Hey everyone! This chapter was long, I know, but I couldn't split it, sorry for that.

I'm having fun writing this story, and I hope you're having fun reading it. If no, I guess this is where we say good bye, and if yes, then Hey! We like similar things! Thanks for reading, reviewing, following. See you all next time.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 _'_ _What time is it?_ ' was Sakura's first thought when she became aware of her awakening, but chose not to open her eyes. Within a second she counted more reasons to stay in bed than to get up, and the main one was the fact that she had a day off.

Heavy and thick curtains, that were loosely hung from silver rod, were being a good help blocking rays of the rising sun from invading her bedroom, keeping it gloomy. It was quiet. Oh, how she loved that morning silence, when the loudest sound around would belong to her own heart echoing in her ears. Her mind would stay calm and organized.

She lay prone with one arm under the softness of her small pillow, engaging the cotton lump with the second one. She opened her eyes once and closed them again to fall into the world of sweetest dreams.

It wasn't that quiet anymore when Sakura opened her eyes for the second time. First, she grabbed the glass that was standing on the nightstand by her bed, and emptied it with a few gulps, then pushed herself up to sit on her bed yawning and stretching at the same time. Now even the thick curtains weren't enough to keep the sunlight from seizing her bedroom.

Adjusting her small pillow behind her lower back Sakura closed her eyes to concentrate on sounds. Voices of kids, people living or working nearby, voices that she recognized easily and voices that were completely strange to her ears, loud and low, laughter... She sniffed as if trying to catch even the scents, but, let's say, that wasn't her speciality.

A soft smile covered her face as she continued listening to the voices and creating images in her head. What spring brings usually? Warm weather, longer days, blooming trees, birds, gentle breezes, good mood. But some people get more than that. They get ideas, they get new chances, new starts, new love maybe. And the other ones get something more, important for their own sakes, some things like inspiration, self-awareness, confidence, calm, self-love. And Sakura was the one to belong to that group of people.

Suddenly she kicked the blanket away and reached to open the curtains with a large leap. Even wider smile covered Sakura's face as the sun shone into her bedroom and hit her face. Once again some good kind of warmth filled her up, to which she had decided to give the name "love", her own perception of it. It was similar and different from the one that existed between two people at the same time, it involved her self, which she'd been discovering and studying for several months now, the world that surrounded her, which involved guys she'd been flirting with, and her own little world, which contained her job, friends and family.

Opening the window wide enough to ventilate her bedroom, Sakura jumped back on her bed, heaving slightly as she did so. Her eyes roved surroundings deliberately, as she heard an arrogant female voice whispering in her head, _'_ _You're just a kid, who knows nothing about adults and their lives. Learn and study everything that surrounds you._ _E_ _veryone that surrounds you._ _L_ _earn the secrets that has an adult life._ _I_ _t_ _'_ _s so much fun._ _'_

Her eyes stopped on a small blue notebook that was left on the nightstand. She reached to budge the empty glass to take the notebook. Her finger slid over the big kanji on its cover, that was standing for "sakura", before opening it right to the first page.

 _Shuu_ _-_ _gets drunk after second shot, laughs louder than anyone I've met... THE WORST FIRST DATE EVER! Tried to grope my ass..._

Sakura rolled her eyes, then turned three pages before reaching for another name.

 _Kiba_ _\- don_ _'_ _t even know why we went out._ _loves dogs, we've been friends long before he asked me out in the bar (saying yes wasn't a good idea), sometimes lies to get a girl, WOMANIZER..._

 _Sun of a bitch who_ _'_ _s name I forgot -_ _I_ _had to pay for myself..._

She went on again, and after another three pages the next name appeared in front of her eyes.

 _Jojiro, the cutest guy ever, turns red when I 'accidentally' touch his arm or hand... maybe too cute and shy for me._ _D_ _idn_ _'_ _t even try to kiss me on the third date._ _I bet he's still a virgin..._

 _Keito - an ANBU hottie, who insists on my check ups. (after the day when I leaned in to check his eyes and lingered, after which checked his pulse on his wrist, then stepped in to stand between his legs while filling in the medical card, but avoided any further physical contacts)._

Sakura giggled lying on her back. Her new hobby was fun. That small notebook had been chosen to share all experiments she'd done to better understand what works with men, and secret thoughts, even those which were hidden even from Ino.

Sakura read one more name, then skipped all following pages, both written and blank, to get to the penultimate page of her inanimate friend.

 _Kakashi_.

She wasn't even sure why she had his name written there. There were no description, or details, just his name. She wanted to remember how that name appeared there. They were friends... For a hundredth time she grabbed the edge of the page and pulled it in order to rip, but stopped. Her gaze fell at three katakana characters written on the page, as she remembered the small situations they'd had, jokes, conversations, their New year together, walks, or dinners from time to time. He was different from everyone. There was a thought in her head, born accidentally one day watching Kakashi, one that she wouldn't announce, thought that he had power to affect her, make her want things that maybe were forbidden for them. That was it, the reason once she had written his name there. She had felt things she shouldn't have felt, but ignoring that would be a self-deception. Besides, he had seen her half naked and had behaved.

Releasing the page of her notebook she closed it, putting it back on the nightstand again, Sakura decided it was right time to take a shower and get cleaned, so she headed for her bathroom barefoot hmming something under her breath. She got rid of her T-shirt on the way leaving herself in nothing else but cotton panties.

Her eyes caught her own reflection in the mirror. She stopped and looked at herself smiling, then tucked strands of pink hair behind her right ear and bent in to take a closer look at her face. Frowning at a few dry spots, that were looking like discolored patches on her face, she reached for her tooth brush and paste. Mint and honey, she liked having that taste in her mouth.

* * *

While some shinobis were enjoying their days off, Tenzou was carrying Kakashi to the hospital of Konoha for the first time that year.

"I'm fine, just drop me off at home." Kakashi tried to sound confident and calm, but the entire sentence passed by his teammate's ears as he tried to move as fast as possible without causing much pain to Kakashi.

Kakashi looked terrible, his mask soaked in his own blood, his entire body was shaking, with a small amount of chakra left in him he was barely alive, and still he hated hospitals more than anyone else in this world.

Tenzou entered the reception alerting the stuff. The strong smell of medicine hit his nose causing an headache and making him sick. He wasn't at his best as well, but his injured comrade was priority.

Looking around he spotted a wheeled stretcher that seemed to be just in the right place at the right time. Gently lying already fainted Kakashi on it he called for help again, not noticing that they already were surrounded by nurses. One of them, who seemingly recognized Kakashi, slightly tapped on the shoulder of another young nurse, asking her to find Shizune, then made her way to Tenzou to ask some questions. Meanwhile the other nurse removed Kakashi's head protector and checked for his reaction to light.

"Damn it" _'_ _barely reacts_ _._ ' She put the small lighter back in her pocket and ordered to help her move the stretcher.

"Move, move! Carefully." She commanded loudly and a moment later the stuff disappeared in the long corridor of rehabilitation area. Tenzou stared at them for a long minute until a female voice caught his attention.

"Yamato san, is there anything important that I need to know about his injuries, such as poisons or unknown substances?"

It took longer than usual for him to answer her,

"No, only physical injuries... as long as I know." he tried to control his shaky voice.

"Someone! Take care of Yamato san." She ordered loudly. Tenzou's worried eyes met a pair of confident ones for a second, then Shizune just nodded and passed through the same doors Kakashi had been taken.

* * *

Blue sky and warming sun were more than welcomed, as the silence in the room. But only not for the girl sitting in front of Sakura, who was getting bored. That was a young kunoichi Akira, one of those girls who hated being quiet. She was fond of rumors and little girly chatters as much as Sakura preferred silence during her breaks. But her boredom took advantage soon enough, so she took her glasses off humming,

"Sakura san..." No answer came, but the girl decided to talk anyway.

"Sakura san, did you know, that Yusa chan is getting married next month?"

The way Sakura let out her small "hn", not even bothering to break off her eyes from the book, made Akira shut her mouth for somewhat like a minute, after she went on anyway, bending over and whispering.

"Have you heard about Akane san getting divorced?" She waited a second, then continued, "She says that she caught her husband cheating on her, like she actually caught him on the act you know, but they say that actually he caught her cheating on him, m-hm." The last part of the sentence was whispered even lower as if someone could've heard that secret.

"Oh really? Of course he caught her, it's not the first time." Sakura didn't even realize how the answer escaped her mouth. She remembered her blonde friend immediately, who was another expert in rumors. And thanks to that same blonde she was getting all the information from the first hand.

Closing the book, but leaving her finger between the pages as a bookmark, Sakura turned her attention to her colleague.

The young nurse took a bite out of the apple she took from the plate, suggesting one to Sakura as well, and spoke again with her mouth full.

"Have you heard about Hyuuga san?"

"Which of th..."

"They say", Akira started to whisper again, "she's seeing Konohamaru kun, and by seeing they mean the full set, m-hm." Sakura's jaw dropped and eyes got so big that it seemed they were about to pop out.

"No way!" She shouted making the young girl jump up dropping the apple from her hands in the process. She covered her mouth realizing how loud that was,

"No way!" She whispered this time watching her companion crawling under the desk to get the apple.

"She is seeing my friend Naruto!" She went on once the girl sat back at the desk.

"What!?" It was Akira's turn to shout. "But her sister is seeing Naruto san! I know. I've seen them on a date a few times." She went to whispering again.

"So Naruto san is seeing both Hyuugas, and Hyuuga san is seeing both Naruto san and Konohamaru kun?!" Sakura blinked in disbelief. Hinata wasn't that kind of a woman. But if she dared to treat Naruto that way, she was totally going to pull her hair out, all of them.

"Let's go step by step." Sakura tried to calm down.

"So..." She put her finger on her chin forgetting about her book, "Hinata is dating Naruto, but she is dating Konohamaru at the same t..."

"No, no, Hanabi san is dating both Naruto san and Konohamaru kun, isn't she?" the girl hurried to correct already confused Sakura.

"What?!" Another shock struck Sakura. "Hanabi is dating Naruto?! What the hell are you talking about? Hanabi would never... Naruto would never..." She didn't even know who was the worst in that story.

A long pause reigned over the room. Both girls tried to figure out the mess they had made. "So... Hinata is dating Naruto." Sakura stated getting a nod as a response. "But she is dating Konohamaru too..." that was more of a half question.

"If you say so..." the girl said putting her finger on her chin and looking up.

"No! You told me that at the beginning!" Sakura accused leaning in, trying to control her temper.

"I did not!" the other girl leaned in as well, "I told that Hyuuga san is seeing Konohamaru kun, well they say that she is seeing him." Both girls went silent again.

"Hyuuga. Hinata."

"Hyuuga..." the girl paused realizing that she maybe forgot to mention a something very important, such as the name of that Hyuuga san.

"H-Hanabi."

"Hanabi?!" Sakura jumped up on her feet with a force enough to cause the chair to fall down. "So Hanabi is dating Konohamaru?!"

"Yeah, that's what, you know, they say."

"So Hanabi is dating Naruto too?"

"I don't know!"

Five minutes later two girls were still trying to figure out who was dating whom, and who was cheating on whom. That was a total mess. Sakura took a moment to take her chair from the floor and think of all the story from the beginning.

"So Hinata is dating Naruto," she started over again, "and Hanabi is dating Konohamaru, they say." Akira just nodded without a word. "And she is Not dating Naruto." The girl opened her mouth, but closed it again to think once again.

"I guess so." Sakura crossed her arms over her chest, "And Hinata is Not dating Konohamaru."

"M-hm...?"

"So no one is cheating on another one." The girl let out a nervous laughter but didn't dare to say that she just guessed so.

There was a silence again. Sakura decided to go back to her reading, considering she'd had enough for one day. She opened the page she stopped on, but instead her mind went wondering if the rumor about Hanabi was true or not. Dating Konohamaru? She made a mental note to ask someone who surely couldn't have missed that kind of story.

"Sakura san..." Sakura's eyebrow twitched, but she didn't react. _'_ _Enough rumors for one day.'_

"Do you know Hatake san?" The familiar name made Sakura change her mind immediately. She slid her eyes from the book to the nurse guessing what could she have to do with her sensei. "The one that was brought here three or four days ago... Well that's not the point, I don't know myself, but you know, they say the blue haired nurse, the new one..." Sakura wasn't sure if she heard it right. Kakashi was in the hospital? Why wasn't she, the best medic of Konoha, aware of it? She tried to recall any information she might have forgotten, but that was nonsense, she couldn't have missed that kind of information. Why was she finding it out from her?

"...so under that mask of his, who would've thought..." The girl was still talking, but what exactly Sakura couldn't say. "...Aah, I wish I was there... they say... w-where are you going? What the hell was that?"

Sakura just put the book aside, and within a second disappeared leaving the girl staring at the empty room. She took the direction right to the stairs not even noticing that she was running. The fact that she wasn't there to help Kakashi pissed her off. She was the best, who could've helped him better than her? She thought that maybe she was just overreacting, maybe he didn't have any serious injuries, but when did Kakashi end up with small injuries?

She was so caught up in her turmoil that didn't even realize that was standing in front of the room she'd been coming for, ignoring the greetings and glares sent her way.

Her shaky hands pushed the door open to find the room empty. The only furniture decorating it were shelves with folders and a brown wooden desk. Sakura ran to the shelves trying to regain her breath. Her eyes ran over katakana characters in order to find the right one. A, Ka, Sa, Ta, Na, Ha. She took the folder that was standing behind the written Ha character and opened it hastily. 'Hatake, Hatake,' her gaze traversed over the surnames that were following each other with a rush, but the letters seemed to be vanishing. She paused for a moment. One deep breath, two, then went over the surnames again. _'_ _Here you are_ _!_ '.

She sat on the floor and set the heavy folder in her lap to take the blanks out of the file as they stubbornly refused to do so. First she looked for the dates, second, cursing she tossed the folder aside not caring where exactly it landed.

"Damn, who takes blanks out of the folders?" Sakura asked mostly herself, but the answer came anyway.

"Me." The sudden voice didn't scare Sakura, just surprised her as she never heard anyone coming in.

"Ah, Shizune sempai," Sakura stood up, and straitened after rubbing her already sore knees, "I wanted to ask about Kakashi..." Sakura's eyes followed Shizune's. "Sensei". She added the suffix not wanting to sound odd.

Shizune looked at the tossed folder, then back at Sakura with a raised eyebrow, which meant ' _oh, really? Ask?_ '

"Who told you?"

"W-what? What does it mean?" Sakura looked confused and Shizune didn't blame her.

"Well, here's the thing Sakura, first of all, it was your day off, and second, you are not allowed to treat some patients unless it's out on a mission."

Sakura didn't answer still not understanding what was going on.

"You overreact. Always. That's why. There are other good medics too..."

"Nonsense! When have I overreacted?"

"Remember last time Naruto kun was here?"

"He was bad!"

"He has Kurama, Sakura".

Sakura just rolled her eyes to let Shizune know that she wasn't agree.

"And then there was Sai kun."

Sakura opened her mouth and closed again as she had nothing to cover with.

"Who else is in that list?"

"You'll find out." Shizune grinned enjoying Sakura's reactions.

"We've already moved him to an ordinary room, visiting for friends can't last more than ten minutes, he needs to rest. Tch, such a mess you caused here..." Shizune took the folder that was on the floor to put the blanks back inside, then placed it back on the shelf and started to look for another folder, but Sakura decided she had somewhere else to be, so just left the room leaving Shizune to deal with her folders.

"And people can get wrong impression, stop acting that way!" Shizune giggled knowing that Sakura heard it anyway. She'd tease her a little bit if she had time, but that was going to be waiting for then.

Kakashi sat on his cot and looked out the window as another sigh escaped his covered lips. _'Boring_ _'_. Yes, he was bored, and he hated it as much as hospitals. By living on his own from the age of five he'd learned hundred ways to keep his free days interesting, different. He might be lazy, but never boring or bored, and now he was left with two options - be bored, or spend time on medical checkups, and none of them were good for him.

Kakashi looked at the girl, who'd just entered his room interrupting his thoughts about nothing.

"Don't come any closer." He made his voice darker and deeper, "Answer me, who are you? My next doctor?"

"Not this time, now I'm your friend, sensei." Sakura read his mind. Knowing him well enough, he could've earned a heart attack from second checkup within last three hours. Of course, she had the devilish idea of pranking at the back of her mind, but decided to save it for some other day. Now she was just happy to see him alive and would be gratified to be able to tease him any other day.

"Yo Sakura chan!" his voice changed immediately. "Long time no see", he raised his hand in his casual manner greeting her, his voice still cheerful. That came out naturally, for he really was glad to see her. He wasn't someone to say something like ' _I wanted to see a familiar face and here a familiar voice to feel that I'm home again_ ', or _'_ _I'm so happy that I made it through, now I can enjoy presence of my friends in my life_ ', but he surely felt much more better the moment she stepped in.

Sakura looked at his messy hair, down to his half opened eyes, masked face, shoulders and arms, his lower body that was covered with a thin blanket, she could say his legs were crossed comfortably under himself. So alike him.

"I asked you not to call me 'chan', I feel like I'm twelve." She ignored the skip of her heart, and took a few steps to him. Seeing him so close she realized how much she'd missed him, even though only three weeks had passed since they last saw each other.

"And when you call me 'sensei' that way I feel like I'm thirty year-old pervert who reads porn in public." Kakashi placed his elbow on his knee to support the weight of his head in his palm. Her warm scent hit his sharp nose. ' _Japanese cherry instead of strawberries_ _._ ' He decided he liked sakura more than strawberries, and found himself to be glad she had changed her gel. The thought of feeling that scent in the air stuck in his mind, and he liked it a lot.

"Aren't you one?" Sakura giggled and tilted her head to the side, "and you're thirty eight." But that observation disappeared into thin air.

"No..." Sakura raised her eyebrow never breaking the eye contact they'd made. "No, I'm not." His voice went back to his usual lazy tone. For a second it seemed as if he leaned forward himself, "I'm a handsome," he made a small pause, "enthusiastic and kind young man, who likes to read, but thanks to our dearest Yamato doesn't have a reading material right now." Anyone else would burst out with a laughter combining his words of being enthusiastic and his lazy tone, but Sakura suppressed even the smile that was about to show up on her face.

"I'd argue that, you're not a reliable source of information, especially when it comes to your looking." Now it was Kakashi's turn to hold back his smile. It wasn't the first time she shared sarcastic remarks.

"I'm offended, I have a fragile soul you know?" He closed his eyes pretending not to see how she rolled her eyes.

"But I will give you a chance to make it up to me." He raised his pointing finger. "Back to my lost reading material, could you do a favor for me?" Sakura rolled her eyes again suspecting what the favor would be.

* * *

It was quiet in the room. Sakura traced outlines of Kakashi's frame, then stopped her glance at his profile. Silently she counted how many times had that man saved their lives, helped them out, supported them, praised them when they succeeded, had always been there for them. And there were only a few times when she was able to help him, or do something for him. Even now when he was injured she hadn't been there to help him. Why was that so sad? It crumpled her heart like a sheet of paper, except it hurt a good deal. Being unable to be there for someone you care about sucked. It sucked to such an extent that a single tear was formed in her eye and not waiting for a permit crawled down. Trying to hide it, she looked down at her fist that grabbed the ham of her shirt squashing it, however looking down wasn't enough for the sharp eye of Kakashi.

Kakashi felt warm inside. It wasn't like he liked to make or see her cry, but, damn it, the tear she'd shared was actually meant for him. Not for boys, not for Sasuke, not because a break up, but for him. An unbridled desire rose to throw his arms around her body and pull to himself, to hold her close feeling her presence with his entire body. _'And to breathe her scent._ '

Sakura eased her grip on her shirt when a large warm hand covered hers. She didn't dare to move as he took her hand into his, and slowly pulled it to himself, then up to his covered lips. Sakura's heart skipped as the warmth of his breath tingled her palm, but his firm hold never let her pull away. She thanked the mask that was covering his face, otherwise he'd definitely feel dampness of her palm. Yet his hand was still warm and firm, but never wet.

She swallowed hard. Why was he so calm? He leaned forward but didn't let go of her hand. His face, his eyes, his scent were so close, as if engulfing her. They became the only things that existed in the slow moving world, and it felt like if she blinked even once, she would break the genjutsu, the world would go back to its rhythm and the feeling would be lost forever. Her lips parted. _'_ _Will_ _he_ _kiss_ _...?_ ' Echoed in her head, while she hoped for a positive outcome. The moment lingered. _"_ _What_ _should I_ _do?_ _A_ _ct like a_ _n out of reach girl_ _, and the guy had just offended you with his rudeness? To pull away mentioning friends_ _hip_ _? To be honest?_ " Because being honest would mean that she actually didn't care about any of those excuses at the moment. To be honest she just wanted him to feel the way she felt, even if that was wrong. The moment that was confusing in so many ways made her feel alive. It seemed like nothing else existed around but him and her.

"I tell you she will beat the crap out of you." Voices came to announce presence of new visitors. Just in time for Kakashi to take his hands back to himself, and for Sakura to come back to reality. They both moved away from each other to meet the guests.

The wooden door slid right to let a long haired beautiful woman come in, followed by two young men. One was blonde and bright just like the sun, and the other one was pale and mysterious, just like the moon.

"Your girl isn't beating the crap out of you, so what makes you think my girl will?" Naruto and Sai were being as loud as always. While they were caught in their conversation not noticing others around, Hinata walked closer to Kakashi's cot, greeting both Sakura and him with a smile on her face. Sakura remembered the earlier conversation she'd had with Akira, and felt stupid for believing that Hinata could've cheated on Naruto.

"Because she's Ino." Naruto went on, but as if realizing that their audience grew, turned to greet Sakura and Kakashi as well.

Sakura stood up and moved to stand behind the hospital cot, Kakashi's eyes glued on her. Her cheeks were still red, and her hands were shaking slightly, but she gained herself and soon started to ask Hinata how did they find out about Kakashi being there, leaving boys in one another's company.

Not long after the rest of seventh team showed up, Kakashi hinted that Sakura had some little things to deal with, and despite her unwillingness to go after his porn, she just couldn't deny his request, could she?

* * *

Sakura felt dust in the air as she pushed the door open. First she wanted to take off her boots, but the dusty floor made her change her mind. She threw a glance at the living room through the small corridor before going in. One didn't have to be a genius to understand that Kakashi had been in a hurry before leaving. Some papers were carelessly left on the table, pants were on the floor, a big towel on the chair, his sleeveless shirt on the couch along with another piece of clothing, at sight of which Sakura's eyes widened. _'_ _Boxers_ _'_. She didn't expect to find that one. Of course she could've pretended to be embarrassed, but she was alone, hence no need to do so. She took it calmly. Though the image of a man wearing that boxers popped out in her head. At first it was just a body wearing black boxers, that actually wasn't Kakashi. Not realizing she mentally added an X shaped scar that covered his torso, then an ANBU tattoo decorating his left muscular arm, made his shoulders boarder, his hand resting on his waist, legs spread a little bit, his weight supported by his right leg, flat stomach and belly without even a gram of fat, maybe some silver hair starting their way from his belly button down the way to the very... And that was when Sakura closed her eyes and started laughing, as imaginary Kakashi got the fish lips they used to imagine him to have. _'_ _How big actually Kakashi is?_ ' Came next. Well, controlling thoughts wasn't Sakura's strong suit. _'You're out of your mind girl, this man was your teacher and is your friend. And was about to kiss you an hour ago.'_ That didn't help much.

She shook her head and, determined to concentrate on finding Kakashi's requested book, opened the door that belonged to his bedroom. That was a simple room with a bed, closet with a mirror and a small nightstand, that seemed to be a set, and shelves with books attached to the wall right opposite the bed. _'Here_.' Feeling satisfied that she had found what she'd come for, Sakura took steps forward, when something else caught her attention, and it surely didn't belong to Kakashi. She stared at it for a while as if not trusting her own eyes. That was the most beautiful underwear she had ever seen. The pine green silk looked great partially covered with lace. She reached for the bra slowly as if it was fragile and she'd break it with her touch. Sakura slid her fingers over the edgy cross-front straps, the edge of its cup, then touched the strip with her lips parted. Next she reached for the panties. A lace stretch waistband topped the silk, softness of which felt so good against her fingers. ' _God, who is going to wear this? I hope not him_.' Her eyes ran over the pieces again before she noticed a small card by its side on the bed. She leaned in to read the message left on it **'I'm going to wear this next time we meet (kiss)** '.

"Lucky." She took the underwear in her hands and observed it one more time before laying the pieces back down on the bed.

Her eyes slowly moved to stop on her own chest, as she tried to remember the color of her own underwear. She frowned. A pink bra and a black cotton panties. She moved to stand in front of the closet, which held a mirror to provide full length view, and unzipped her shirt to take a look on her bra. She would describe it the following way - disappointing. Sakura zipped up her shirt quickly and stepped aside. ' _Just take that stupid book and leave'_.

' _So he has a lover..._ ' She stood in front of book shelves spacing out. There was nothing extraordinary in that, it was just fine that a single man would have a girlfriend or a private life. Then why did it annoy her that much? It was confusing. But she knew that the confusion was born in her head and mind. If they didn't share little moments together that would still be fine with her, but that had shared moments, they had almost kissed. ' _Am I getting this wrong?_ ' Her inner discussion started. _'No way I'm getting it wrong. Stop it! Haven't you learned anything?_ _I_ _f you feel that there's a chemistry between you two, it mean there is._ _I_ _t exists._ _Y_ _ou felt it._ _Y_ _ou know he felt it too._ _H_ _e just has someone..._ ' She didn't like feeling that way. Cursing in her mind Sakura turned back to the bed. Someone was going to wear that hot underwear and Kakashi was going to have sex with her.

 _'_ _The book_ _._ ' Trying to gather herself she turned back to the shelves again. Sakura bit her lower lip as her mind created image of herself wearing that underwear and waiting for him. She imagined how she'd lie down on her back with her legs crossed, or maybe dangling in the air, waiting for him to come home after a long day, or maybe a long mission. He'd be glad to see her in his bed. He'd smile at her and take a step closer taking off his green vest, then he'd take his head protector as well, taking another step towards her. And she, so happy to see him again, would return his smile crawling to the edge of the bed and sitting there with her legs spread enough to make a room for him. He'd bent over to kiss her playing with her hair, caressing her neck and shoulders, and she'd slide one of her hands up his strong arm, while slipping the other one under his shirt.

Sakura closed her eyes as she felt a tingling sensation in her stomach, her breath became heavier and she felt dizzy. She pictured how they would press their lustful bodies together, get rid of his clothes barely breaking the kisses, he would be demanding and maybe rough, but she wouldn't mind. His skin would smell nice, it would be covered in goosebumps because her icy hands would travel over his back, spine, back of his neck, her fingers would mingle with his hair... _'_ _No, no, no_ _!_ _'_ She hid her face in her palms, then lightly moved her fingers to look at the floor through them. ' _Y_ _ou_ _'ve_ _just imagine_ _d_ _having sex with him?_ ' She panicked. What if she was becoming obsessed with him?

Sakura once again turned to the book shelves trying to remember which color Kakashi had requested. ' _Orange, red, green... Green, that was green.'_ She took the book and opened it just out of habit, and turned to walk away with no rush. Her eyes found the nephrite color again, but she took her eyes off immediately, otherwise she wouldn't stand the temptation to try it on. How she wanted to do so...

She moved slowly. Her eyes fell on the towel, papers, shirt and boxers again as she walked through the living room. She couldn't help but think, that the woman probably had the key, otherwise she couldn't have left her present, still she hadn't cared to clean his place. ' _Just sex_ _._ ' She came to a conclusion and turned to look at his place again before pushing the door open to close after herself.

Kakashi's cozy apartment remained quiet and empty for six minutes and eleven seconds, before the click announced someone's arrival, and that someone happened to be the same pinkie, who was in that apartment minutes ago, but couldn't make herself leave. On the contrary, she decided to take a very smart woman's advice. ' _No, duties and responsibilities are good, I'm just saying that you have only one life to live, catch moments_ _, be risky, be stupid_ _.'_ She sighed, ' _Be stupid_ _, huh?_ ' Sakura tossed the book aside, and ran towards his bedroom excited as a little girl, who had just gotten a new doll. She was going to try on the most beautiful underwear she'd seen. No one was going to find out anyway.

* * *

A lazy "tadaima" (I'm home) sounded as Kakashi walked in his living room barefoot, hating the feeling of dusty floor against his skin. He couldn't help but notice footprints on the floor, Sakura's footprints to be more certain, and he didn't like the fact, that she didn't bother to take off her boots. He couldn't blame her though.

He stood for a minute to look around. ' _What a mess._ ' He couldn't remember leaving his place in that mess. He lifted his pants from the floor, his towel, his shirt and _'_ _Oops_ _'_. He saw his boxers left on the couch, but decided not to dwell on the fact, that his favorite ex-student had been there the previous day. He thought that maybe she didn't even see it, otherwise he would have gotten a punch.

He looked at the clothes in his hand, then around one more time, and decided that he needed a cup of tea first, so tossing them back on the couch took direction to his kitchen.

After the living room was clean enough, Kakashi finally let himself take a quick shower and get some rest. He stepped out of the bathroom and went right to the surprise that was waiting for him on his bed.

He entered his bedroom wearing only his pants and a nice smirk that decorated his handsome face as he saw the prophet of upcoming hot event. He looked at the underwear, then took the card with a note to read. **'I'm going to wear this next time we meet (kiss)** '.

Kakashi's smirk turned into a smile, and his imagination made that smile even wider, but his brain did a good job to remove it. A logical chain was created within a second with the links - home, Sakura, underwear, note. Well, now she wouldn't have to ask what he'd been up to.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head sighing, and smiled again. He surprisingly found himself glad and kind of proud of himself, besides it was interesting to guess her reaction when she saw it. Was she embarrassed and red as a tomato just before the harvest, or was she curious about who the woman was, was she jealous? Had she fantasized about him, or maybe them? He tried to recall any awkwardness or nervousness in her behavior the previous day, when she brought his book to him, but to think of it, she seemed rather excited than antsy.

Since he started the trail of thoughts, he just couldn't not think about the moment of closeness they'd had. He couldn't deny that there was something between them. He had tried to ignore it, had tried to stamp in his mind not to forget that they were friends with fourteen years of difference, what others would say if they found out that one of the elite nins had affair with his former student, what their friends would say, and the most important, what would Sakura say herself. Every time he had promised himself to stop thinking of her in that way, every time he broke that promise as soon as she got close to him. Now he was even "dating" someone. Someone who had pink hair too. He didn't know why had he chosen her, but fucking a pink haired woman wasn't distracting much from Sakura.

That awkward thoughts started to visit his mind more often after the day he decided to hug her from behind to announce his presence instead of saying 'hi'. That day he wanted her for the first time. Kakashi's feelings were confusing too. If Naruto and others hadn't shown up the other day in the hospital, he might've kissed her. Was that a good or a bad thing he didn't know though. How would she feel about that? She didn't pull away from his touches, was that a 'yes'? It looked like she was checking his actions out, trying to figure him out. Would she allow him to kiss her? ' _Need to find out next time_ ', he bit his lower lip. He still remembered the day she was crying because of a break up in his kitchen. If someone told him then he was going to feel that strong attraction towards the girl, he would laugh.

Considering nap as a good idea, Kakashi reached for the underwear to put it aside for then. He liked the fabric against his skin as it brought more tempting and erotic images to his mind. His imagination started its game with different ideas, different poses only to be stopped for a reason. Kakashi stood still and breathed. His deep steady breaths prompted that there was something wrong about it. He inhaled deeply letting the faint scent fill his lungs up. He looked around to make sure he was alone, then sniffed again. That was the fabric in his hands. The underwear wasn't supposed to smell like that. It wasn't supposed to smell like sakura, it wasn't supposed to smell like Sakura. Maybe he was mistaken? He took another deep breath, then another, and then another one. He wasn't mistaken. That was her. But how? Why? Was that a hint? No she wouldn't do something like that, would she? Did she really intend him to feel her scent on it? That thought made him crazy and horny. So he squatted to put the underwear in the lowest drawer of his closet, where it would stay without being touched by anyone, until the right pinkie would wear it for him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

' _Lucky_ _._..' Sakura put the invitation on her nightstand, but kept staring at it blankly.

That would be one of many boring, hot summer days, if there wasn't that delivered white (with pink edges) card bringing the news of Chouji marrying Karui. No one even knew those two were that close. As unexpected as it was, but still was to happen in a week.

"So... what are you going to wear Sakura?" Sakura asked herself observing a few dresses she had. "Not this", she moved clothes hangers from side to side, "not this... and definitely not this one". She folded her arms around her chest and sighed. Nothing to wear. She slammed the closet door irritated, as if it was its fault that she couldn't find anything to wear.

Getting tired of walking in circles, Sakura sat down on her bed. Once she thought that maybe she didn't have to look that much pretty, and could've worn one of her old dresses.

An hour later... "I can't believe this is all I have! Damn it!" Another slam of the closet door echoed in her apartment. She gave it the stink eye once again before heading to the bathroom. How do you usually cool down and make good decisions? Right. Nothing helps better than housework. Within seconds Sakura managed a bucket full of mixture of water and some detergent, and turned back to her leaving room, not forgetting to take her sponge mop on her way out. Clear mind, plus cold and clean floor to enjoy while being barefoot.

 _'Maybe it's not a bad idea?_ ' Sakura straightened up to think about her red dress again before going back to mopping.

' _Maybe I should buy something new?_ ' And by the time she moved to mop the kitchen floor, she'd been thinking of another options. She always could go shopping, especially when there still was a week ahead. Of course, if Ino was around, she'd say with the most serious voice ' **No time to chill, we don't have time for surgery to get you look like a woman, at least we should try to get a nice dress'** **,** or something like that. Ino would come up with better lines though. Giggling at her own thoughts, Sakura took the bucket and the mop back to the bathroom, thinking of other ways Ino wouldn't let her sleep on it.

* * *

Next day

Ino was surprised when Sakura asked her to come over, and she was extremely excited when her pinkie friend told her that she had decided what to wear on the wedding. Ino had always been a fan of fashion shows her female friends would put on for her.

Sitting comfortably on the couch in Sakura's living room, the young kunoichi started to play with her long blonde hair. That was her pride, but only she knew what a drag it was to wash and dry them off.

She looked around. Everything was the same, every piece of furniture was exactly at the same place she remembered. And she remembered that well. There was a time when they used to gather all together more often, and not only her and Sakura, but the other girls too. Each of them used to have their roles. Hinata wasn't drinking, so she was the one who would help them get home if they got too drunk to do that themselves. Tenten was funny when drunk, she used to be the soul of the company. Sakura used to be the depressed girl, who always had problems with the opposite sex and self confidence. And her, she was little bit of everything. She'd missed those days.

"So", Ino spoke not to be carried away by memories, "How come you found something to wear this fast forehead?" she called to Sakura who was changing in her bedroom.

"It's just a dress... it's not fancy or something..." The moment Ino saw her head poking through the door frame flipped her hair back and straightened, fully ready for whatever her eyes were about to see.

"Drum roll... a-a-and!" Her smile disappeared as soon as Sakura showed herself wearing a round neck, short sleeved red dress, with a skirt a bit above her knees, that reminded more of a sack than a dress, and a red headband. Sakura's lack of taste caused her headache.

"I told you it's not something special..." Sakura hoped she read her friend's facial expressions wrong, but one had to be blind or dumb to get them wrong.

"I don't even know how to insult you", Ino murmured under her breath observing Sakura. "It's a failure, unless you want me to introduce you as my grandma." Sakura rolled her eyes. She knew Ino would say something like that, but before buying a new dress decided to give it a try.

Ino examined the dress while watching Sakura moving around.

"Where did you even get it? You know, you should wear it. You'll be the clown instead of Lee and Guy sensei." She started laughing.

"Shut up pig".

"Oh, I know! You could work with those two, and create your own trio! Just imagine what a show that would be." Ino tugged one leg under herself, leaned on the back of the couch comfortably and hugged one of the cushions.

"Alright, alright, I got it." With one swift motion Sakura pulled the dress off of herself and threw on the couch. "I hate both you and this dress". Ino giggled like a kid.

"That's why you don't have a boyfriend, because you wear this kind of things". Ino grabbed the dress and started to shake it in front of Sakura's face, to make sure she knew what kind of things she meant, then just tossed it onto the couch.

"Nuh, I drive them crazy even when I wear things like this." Now it was Sakura's turn to shake the dress in front of Ino's nose before tossing it on the floor. They kept laughing together.

"Shopping?" Sakura suggested first.

"Still asking? You have five minutes to get dressed". As Ino saw Sakura off with her eyes, it became clear that she'd missed the only change, which was on Sakura herself, literally.

"Hey where did you get that?"

"If you're still talking about the dress, just forget about it".

"No, no", Ino walked to the bedroom not to yell, "your ass, where did you get that?"

"Ah, you noticed?" Sakura put her hand on her butt cheek and turned around with her torso to look at her reflection in the mirror.

"How can one not notice that? It's almost like mine". Ino believed that was a compliment. "So, how?"

"I don't even know." Sakura started wearing white pants as she kept speaking, "I put on some weight lately, that's it".

Now when she'd mentioned it, Ino looked closely. Sakura really had gained weight, maybe three or four pounds. Her arms and legs weren't so skinny anymore, and, hey, she got an ass. Ino narrowed her eyes when she looked at her chest, but breathed in relief. Nothing had changed there.

Only the idea of shopping was exciting, but the real act was a huge, public argument between two young women, Sakura and Ino in this case. History hadn't known even one occasion, when both girls would agree on something. Usually they would go their separate ways after visiting one store. This time the scandal started the moment Sakura said she'd never wear the purple dress they saw. Anyway, both of them had to leave that store for being too loud and bothering other customers.

"I'm never going shopping with you anymore!" was said in unison, and the girls went different directions.

* * *

That day Sakura didn't buy anything, neither did she go to another store. She'd been trying to ignore a certain emotion that was getting the best of her since she'd received the invitation - sadness. Usually one needs only a little push to get old wounds open, and the argument with Ino became that little push.

Sakura walked into a park to spend some time with her thoughts. She felt lonely. She was lonely. Of course that wasn't something new, but she'd decided to go with it long time ago. She'd decided to enjoy her life, to embrace herself the way she was, to be grateful for things she had, but all the wedding stuff made her feel sad. Chouji and Karui were getting married, and she was happy for them. She'd known Chouji for almost eighteen years, they had been through many things together, they were friends, how could she not be happy for him? But she couldn't get rid of the jealousy she'd been feeling. Relationship, love, It seemed a fairy tale, and only she was missing from it.

Sakura hugged her legs to her chest feeling the breeze gently playing with her hair. ' _Screw you.._.'

 **Flashback**

"Take something", the woman in red looked at the plate of fruits first, then at Sakura with an arrogant smile on her face.

Sakura, for the ninth time that night, wanted to punch her. ' _Calm down, she's your money_.' She said to herself clenching her fist. There were only pears, grapes and melon in the plate, and Sakura was sure she'd already mentioned how much she disliked those.

"Come on, I picked them for you", the woman insisted never erasing her smile, making an intense eye contact, as if persuading her prey, putting so much pressure on it, making believe that her words were the only important thing around, the only truth, that it should act without thinking.

"Yes, I can see that. Just the fruits that I told you I didn't like. You're so kind". The woman laughed at Sakura's sarcastic answer covering her mouth with her palm, then put the plate away walking past Sakura. She walked slowly, with grace, putting on a whole different smile and talking with a voice of an angel. Sakura called that hypocrisy. How could she be like that? However she was a magnet for those people, both women and men. Especially men. It seemed like they would kill if she willed so.

"Why didn't you eat any of those fruits?" She turned to Sakura again. "I see your face, but you need to answer my question".

"Because I don't like any of those". Was said in one breath, automatically.

"I know". The woman found a corner where no one could see her, and sat down taking off one of her shoes. She'd been wearing high heels since the morning, and it was getting hard to smile naturally through sore feet.

"I want you to realize one thing girl". She started to massage her foot while talking to Sakura. "It's easy not to eat fruit you don't like, isn't it? Want a secret? The same refers to other spheres of life, if you understand what I mean".

 **End of flashback**

 _'_ _Fuck you, it's easy for you to say. You know nothing. You don't feel things that I feel... You have never felt this way...'_

It was getting dark with each passing minute. The heat retreated ceding to nice breeze, that would so pleasantly play with one's skin, taking the tiredness away and granting freshness. It would charge one with energy after the long day, only if they let it in. Anyway it was too cheerful for Sakura's mood, so she decided to leave for somewhere more quiet, walking and ignoring everyone she'd passed by, dove deep into her thoughts. _'Lonely...'_

"Did you buy anything?" A voice broke in. Voice she'd recognize among a hundred others.

"Nothing". She answered to let her blonde friend know she wasn't angry with her, hoping to disguise her thoughts and mood.

"What about you?"

"Nothing".

They walked together in silence, passing familiar alleys, shops, people that only Ino would greet, and stopped on the bridge. Many years ago they'd claimed that bridge as 'their place', where they would talk about things that nowhere else could be spoken, and the river would take away their secrets, not telling even a soul.

As Sakura kept quite, Ino looked around. Everything and everyone was in a perfect harmony right at the moment but her pink haired friend.

Ino had seen many peaceful evenings during last years, and could never get enough of those. That was the world they had fought for all together. Children knowing no war, friends coming back from missions, civilians walking careless, laughing, singing drunk across the road. She laughed nudging Sakura.

"Look at them. Doesn't this look familiar?" Sakura covered her eyes with her palm after staring at them for a moment.

"Ah! Don't..."

And so they started their long 'do you remember?'s. That group of drunk people reminded them one of their own drunk nights, when they woke up the next morning in a totally strange apartment, with totally naked and totally strange boys. After sneaking out of there, they had spent the entire day trying to remember anything else but the song 'Happy birthday to you' they surely had been singing. That night was a secret to die with.

"God! When did we last have fun together?" Sakura asked wiping off the teardrop that rolled down her right eye from laughing hard.

"When we were twenty".

"Five years ago? That was five years ago... That was the year of my first..." Sakura paused to think, "...many things. I got drunk and experienced my first hangover, I learned how to seduce a bartender for a free drink... I lost my virginity, I got dumped right after sex... I'm so tired..." the last phrase made Ino stop giggling. "So sick of it, right now". Sakura's voice got new dark colors that Ino recognized immediately. She placed her hand on top of Sakura's to give it a sincere and understanding stroke.

"I'm never good enough, have never been, starting with Sasuke", Sakura stared at water running its unknown and far destination. "Some guy told me, that the first thing men pay attention to is woman's hair, so I grew them. Another one told me that a woman should be fragile and weak, so that a man would want to protect her; so I acted weak. Do you know what happened? The guy asked who did I sleep with to get my rank".

"You should've killed him." Ino couldn't keep to herself.

"Another one told me that I wasn't an interesting company, he didn't have anything to talk to me about; so I turned into a nerve wad with sweaty palms and underarms, who couldn't think of anything else but what to say next". Ino's heart filled with empathy.

"I used to think that I should've become perfect to finally get someone to love me, until I came across someone who told me to be myself, and accept myself, that _I_ am the key to my happiness, that it's all about how I feel about myself, not the others. Perfect isn't always good, sometimes it's rather boring."

"I knew that!" Ino broke in.

Sakura arched her brow waiting for explanation. "It seemed like you've grown up recently, you know... Like when Chouji grows his butterfly wings. Only with your emotions."

Sakura kept looking at her friend totally confused.

"That little things you changed about yourself. It's still you, but different at the same time. I don't know how to explain that better, but you became brighter."

"Mmm..." Sakura wasn't sure if she needed to answer.

"Remember you even had a few dates with nice guys. I'm sure they'd felt the same brightness of yours too."

"Yeah, but..."

"No buts! Your magnet of men started to pull good ones, don't you think it means that you're on a right way?"

"I never really dated them".

"Then they were not good enough". Both girls bent over the railing.

"You deserve the best". Ino went on. "Just find out what's the best for you and go for it. That may sound awkward, but that taught me my dad". Both fell into a short silence. "Never agree to take less than you deserve, no matter how long you need to wait for it. When it comes, it will knock you out with all its fierce, and you willingly will allow that to happen".

"Sounds like you've already experienced it". Maybe that was stupid to say, as Ino was dating Sai.

"Even if Sasuke fucking Uchiha knelt down right here, right now, with a ring in his hands, asking me to marry him, I'd turn him down without a second thought". A warm smile shone on Sakura's face.

"You'll find him too." Ino wrapped her arms around Sakura's shoulders engaging her into a hug. "You'll recognize him immediately, he'll be the one who accepts you, and who you accept, who admires you, and gets the same in return, who supports you, doesn't afraid of the beastly strength of yours..."

Sakura mumbled something about being thankful and returned the hug.

"Enough of sad, come!" Ino pulled away and started walking, beckoning Sakura to do so as well.

"W-where are we going?" Not long after it was clear where they were going. Before Sakura would resist, they entered through open doors into a small hall that leaded into the main hall. Smoke, music and alcohol, a lot of it. It brought more nostalgia.

"Why don't we stay for a while?" Ino grabbed Sakura's hand not to lose her in the crowd as she moved in.

"Wait, what are we doing here?"

"Let's see what's going on".

"Ino..." Sakura pulled her hand back in order to stop Ino from going further.

"Oh, please forehead, you said yourself, it's been five years now, we can have a little fun, can't we? Besides, it seems to be someone's birthday! We always can invite ourselves". Two girls exchanged glances and chuckled before disappearing in the crowd, mingling with them, becoming a part of it.

* * *

It was past midnight when two girls got out of the bar.

"I'm the best, K? The best medic refuses to heal that jerk".

"Got it? Yeah!"

Or rather were kicked out of the bar for braking another customer's nose, who happened to be Sakura's ex-boyfriend just trying to get back together with her, because he realized how much he'd missed her the moment he saw her in the bar. And Sakura's drunk mind couldn't find a better way to express her view on that.

Ino had her long hair done into a bun, and the edge of her long purple skirt was rolled up and tied around her hip. Sakura's shirt had turned into a top, and her hair were wet and messy. They made a beeline down the street singing and laughing loudly, until it was time to go different directions.

"Love ya pig!" Ino waved goodbye and went on singing.

" _You_ are the pig" Sakura called to her, and kept waving back for another minute. Now she was alone in the street. ' _Night_ ', she thought to herself and decided that she wanted nothing more than to sleep, so going home seemed the best idea. She looked around to make sure she wouldn't go wrong way, then nodded to herself and walked.

Mostly it was silent outside. Once in awhile laughter or spoken few words could be heard here and there. Feeling of fullness in her stomach kept Sakura slow, as she trudged through the narrow alleys, sometimes humming under her breath, sometimes giggling at swimming images of buildings, acknowledging that she was more drunk than she meant to be. Now it was even harder to stay awake. Still she had to keep her eyes on buildings, not to miss hers.

The images were replacing each other in front of her eyes, when one of them seemed more familiar than the others. She stopped and narrowed her eyes to stabilize the image. "Good job!" She threw her fist up in the air lacking the enthusiasm and hurried inside the building. Usually it would take around thirty minutes to walk home from the street she'd separated from Ino, but she wasn't in a condition to count.

Not long after Sakura was in front of her door, trying to find the stubborn key, which was in one of four pockets she had. She hopped and twirled fumbling in her pockets to get it, but it simply refused to be found. About three minutes later a loud "Ha!" sounded in the quiet night, as her fingers finally mingled with the metal implement. Her activity made her head spin even more, and she had to stretch her hands forward to find her balance again. ' _Strange_ ', Sakura thought to herself looking at her neighbor's door. Something seemed different but what exactly she couldn't tell. Why bother? She had the key now, it was time to get inside. Only that turned out to be more difficult than she'd imagine. Once she tried to turn the key inside the lock, twice, but it was stuck. She tightened her fist and got ready to smash the door into pieces, when imaginary light-bulb appeared above her head making her stop her current action. The window. She could get in through the window easily, no matter how drunk she was.

"Haruno you're genius". Regaining last drops of her energy, she ran downstairs to the side of the building, where her windows looked at. ' _There's a new grocery store!_ ' Sakura noticed the new construction, that turned to be a huge help. She concentrated chakra under her feet as much as she could in her condition and jumped up, first onto the roof of the store, then onto the window frame. "Pieceacake" she mumbled under her breath, and stepped on the floor. Finally she got to her bed, nothing could stand between her and her happiness now.

Not bothering to take off her clothes, Sakura just kicked off her sandals and threw herself on her bed. There was a song in her head playing repeatedly, the same 'Happy birthday to you' song, and it wouldn't go away no matter how hard she tried. There were many voices singing the song, then it got interrupted because someone coughed. Then they sang again, and she started to sing along, but someone coughed again. ' _Get outa here_ ', she said to the coughing person in her head, so that they could sing on. However the voice not only didn't get out, but started to call her name.

"Sakura", she heard the voice saying.

"Hm?" she answered irritated, not sure in her head or in real too. Then it went silent and everyone started singing again. 'Happy birthday to you!' She was singing along, but suddenly everything and everyone went quiet again, and she felt an earthquake. ' _Where did everyone go?_ ' Someone was still calling her name. She knew that voice. She definitely knew that voice, that was sounding louder and louder in her head.

"Kakashi!" Sakura smiled saying his name, as if it was the sweetest word in the world.

Something touched her skin tickling it. Then it was pressed firmly to her cheek caressing slowly, building a carving to touch someone in return.

"Sakura wake up".

 _'What's going on?_ ' Sakura tried to open her eyes blinking several times trying to adjust to the dark.

"Hey." Came Kakashi's voice again, and it didn't seem like in dream anymore. It was clear, and close, unexpected and real.

"Kakashi?" Sakura asked still not trusting her mind. The burning sensation on her face moved slowly and disappeared.

* * *

Kakashi didn't have any plans for that evening. He just went to buy some food and spent the rest of the evening reading on his window still. Close to midnight he took a quick shower and went to sleep. It was supposed to be an ordinary end of an ordinary day. One thing he wasn't expecting was a drunk girl murmuring 'happy birthday to you' in his bed. What are the chances to open your eyes in the middle of the night, still half asleep, and see how your former student is throwing herself onto your bed. It took some time to fully wake up, and a sniff to understand what was going on.

"Ahem, ahem." Kakashi coughed trying to bring her to conscious, but the girl didn't seem to listen. He couldn't help but smile when she started to sing 'happy birthday to you'. He pushed himself up on his elbow, and continued enjoying her performance. That could've been a perfect birthday present for him, only his birthday was to be in a two and a half months.

He had to rouse her though, despite liking the way things were. He shook her, and called her name too, repeatedly, but nothing could wake the girl up. He watched her murmuring something under her breath again smiling. She looked so young, so beautiful, so drunk, and so capable to awake a desire in him. Before he knew it, he reached to touch her cheek.

"Sakura wake up", he said a little louder than before, still it was more like a whisper, but as much as he could see in the dim light of his bedroom, she started to open her eyes. "Hey". Kakashi took his hand from her cheek and spoke carefully, not knowing how would she react. He was half prepared for dodging a fierce punch.

"Kakashi?"

"Are you alright?"

Sakura made a moan-like sound bringing her sight into focus . She looked at the man in front of her, clearly not understanding what was going on. But her clumsy mind didn't care, it didn't need any explanations or reasons. He was there and she was more than happy.

"You came to visit me!? It's been long..." She threw her arms around his neck pulling towards herself. His fresh washed skin felt so pleasant. She just buried her face in his neck while talking, sending shivers down his body.

"S-Sakura... wait, wait, it's..." One of his hands was trapped between their bodies, touching something curvy and soft. ' _Dangerous'_. Trying to push Sakura away he shifted his body weight, but instead collapsed on top of her not being able to keep his balance. Now when he was even closer Sakura slipped one arm under his arm to hug his back as her second arm rested on his head keeping some long strands from falling down on his face.

"God! You smell so good", another whisper, but this time it was accompanied with light kiss on his throat. It took him whole lot of willpower to pull away from the passionate activity he'd like to be involved in.

Pinning Sakura on the mattress with one hand, and keeping himself on top of her with another, Kakashi tried to estimate and digest the situation. So, he had a drunk, crazy, hot, and, as it seemed, turned on Sakura in his bed, or rather all over himself, and he had to deal with it the right way. Before he could think what would be the right solution, Sakura reached for him again pulling downwards.

"You know, I've been feeling all those things around you", this time her words were followed by wet kisses first to his cheek, then to his mouth.

"Sakura!" Kakashi turned his face to avoid kisses, but it definitely was getting harder to resist.

"Wait!" Sakura stopped kissing and started touching his bare face, as if just realizing that he wasn't wearing a mask. Actually it took a bit longer for her to realize that he wasn't wearing a shirt, an undershirt, or pants, but first to the face. She touched his cheeks, nose, then slid her fingertips to his chin, and up to touch his lips. Kakashi took Sakura's hand into his in order to prevent from exploration, but you don't need your hands free to kiss someone, do you?

"You don't have fish lips." Sakura's laughter echoed in the silence of the night. Then she went quiet and closed her eyes, as if was about to sleep, so Kakashi took the chance to roll off of her.

Sakura opened her eyes again and sighed missing his body on hers. She put her hand on her bare belly.

"You don't want me... Why don't you want me?" This time there were no aggressive attacks or kisses. Now she found Kakashi's hand with hers, playing with his fingers, gently caressing his skin. Sad tones of her voice made Kakashi feel guilty. Even though he knew that her mood would change in a minute, but he couldn't bare even a minute having her sad. He turned to face her, but anything he was about to say were lost between soft lips. First light kiss deepened to become passionate tongue involving act. Their movements started to mingle and soon enough they found their own rhythm, reaching their perfection. They would tilt their heads at the right moment, the right angle, break apart at the right moment and kiss again the same way.

It lasted long enough for Kakashi to occupy his place back on top of her. He slipped his hand under her lower back pressing her body to his. His hand caressed its way down from her waist to her thigh, as her sharp teeth sank into his flash.

"Sakura." He breathed out when she bit his neck, then shoulder. It was getting harder to control himself with every passing second, every stroke and every kiss.

"You came to visit me naked!" Sakura broke her lips from his to speak, as if just noticing that. Kakashi sighed remembering how drunk she was, and how dangerously close he was to crossing lines. He had gotten in the mood himself, which was no good at all. A long moment of pause fell between them, which Kakashi used to compose his thoughts. He searched for the outline of her parted lips. The sweet lips he kissed a moment ago. He could only imagine her eyes. Her beautiful eyes he could look at forever. And her body, that seemed so fragile and petite against his, the one that he would like to keep close.

"Look..." Kakashi lowered his head until their foreheads touched. "Look, you have no idea..." , he kissed her again but before Sakura would deepen it pulled away biting her bottom lip, "...how much I want you". He shifted her leg a little bit to make more room for him between her legs, then pushed his hips forward to show how much exactly he wanted her.

"But we can't do it, I can't do it, not now. Not when you're drunk". He kissed her cheek, and dipped his hips into hers one more time. "When we finally do it, we'll do it slow and long in this bed, then fast and hard against a wall, and I'll make you remember every second of it". That was it. It drove Sakura crazy. Crazy for him. But before she'd react he was gone.

* * *

Sakura felt thirst first. It felt like she'd lived in a desert without water for weeks. Next she felt headache, like hundreds of bombs were exploding in her head nonstop. She moved, but her body felt like a rock. It felt like she was carrying something heavy on her shoulder. It was time to face her hangover. She opened one eye, then second and looked. Those were her fingers? She'd never noticed before how manly her fingers looked with short cut nails and bold skinned fingertips. She closed her eyes again. It was hot. Her back felt like on fire.

The sore shoulder, burning hot back, thirst and headache were still there when Sakura opened her eyes for the second time, and of course her fingers. If they belonged to a man, they'd be attractive. But she wasn't a man, they were supposed to be different. She tried to move her hand out of her sight, but the feeling of heaviness was still there on her shoulder, making it hard to move. So she had to look at her hand. There was a scar that she got... she didn't know where did she get it. She looked closely. To think of it, her hand and wrist seemed larger. Her veins were not so visible, that she remembered for sure. Then it was simple - it wasn't her hand at all.

Sakura closed her eyes trying to remember whether she was working that day or no. She wouldn't want to be late. However the late realization pricked her as a needle, causing to jump up unloading the heaviness from her shoulder. ' _A man's hand!?_ ' She automatically pulled the sheet to cover herself and froze when someone shifted next to her. That someone's legs were long, and she could clearly see them, so there was no way it could've been a kitten or a puppy she found last night and brought home with her. Still scared to find out more than she would be able to handle, Sakura slowly traced up to the part, where his body was covered with the same sheet, then his bare back, which carried small scars here and there. She closed her eyes hoping he would be gone by the time she opened them again, but he was still there. He had a pale skin, and no hair on his back. That part she liked. And he had broad shoulders, which she liked too. He had an ANBU tattoo too. Then her eyes moved upper to his neck, silver hair, back to the arm, that was stretched so that his bicep was hiding his face. ' _He's hot_ _',_ Sakura had to shake away that thought. How inappropriate her thoughts could be. Well, controlling thoughts wasn't Sakura's strong suit.

She looked at him again. She had someone in her bed, she needed to kick him out, not admire his body. His tattoo, and silver hair... ' _Silver_ _!_?' She freaked out. That was painfully familiar. Panic started to get over her. ' _What do I do? What do I do?_!' She hugged the sheet closer, but to her big surprise found her clothes still on. Both shirt and pants. ' _Run!_ ' Her brain ordered the first thing that seemed rational at the moment, but someone would've said 'not so fast'.

"Morning". His voice poured down like a cold shower making Sakura shiver. A pair of confused green eyes moved to meet a lazy dark gray eye, that was fixed on her, taking her breath away so not in a romantic way. He had a scar across his eye, so if a moment ago she could've hoped for that man Not to be Kakashi, now the chances were none.

"W-what are you doing here?" ' _Oh my God! Holy... we slept together... what's worse? That I slept with him, or that I don't remember it?_ ' Inside her head inner Sakura was pulling out her hair and punching herself for being so stupid. She'd screwed up. If only life was justify, it would open up the ground and swallow her, making everyone forget she'd ever existed.

"Live..." Kakashi put on his lazy expression, not to sound excited. _'It's going to be fun_.'

 _'What? Nonsense'_. Sakura needed to take her time. "Since when?"

"Since I've bought it".

Yes, that sounded meaningless to Sakura. She looked around. Here, the bookshelves, she had bookshelves, only in the living room, not in the bedroom, and the door, that was different, and the closet, the curtains, in one word - everything was different. That was too much for her mined brain. She fell on her back on the bed covering her eyes with her arm. She needed time to understand everything. So, how worse did the situation become? _'_ _Not much'_ _,_ her bedroom, his bedroom... her inner slutty Sakura was sure she didn't mind it while sleeping with Kakashi.

' _With your clothes on?_ _Clothes! On!_ ' She moved her forearm from one eye, but didn't remove completely. Probably she didn't have to kill anybody because of the last night, but first things first, ' _He's not wearing anything_ _.._. _damn it, just ask him._ _J_ _ust ask what happened._ _I_ _t's easy._ _Y_ _ou can do that._ _Y_ _ou have to._ _S_ _o, deep breath, and go_.' "What happened last night?" Her heart started to beat faster as she asked. Now it didn't seem a good idea at all.

Kakashi, obviously, didn't have much time to think of possible answers he could've given her. He didn't feel like saying _'You came in through the window, then we made out, and, yeah, I wanted to fuck you._ _No actually you wanted that too._ _But_ _no worries,_ _nothing happened_ '. That didn't sound good in his head, and he was sure it would sound even worse if he said that out loud. But he wasn't going to hide the truth either, was he?

"Take a shower first", he pushed himself up and sat on the edge of his bed facing his back to Sakura. It lasted a brief moment, but was enough for Sakura to notice three things. First, Kakashi had a beauty spot on his chin, which she found sexy, second, he was buying time, and third, he had fresh red marks on his neck and shoulder.

Daylight stung Sakura's eyes the moment she stepped out of bathroom. She closed them not to see millions of stars around the place, and covered with a hand leaving only a small gap between her fingers to find the way to the bedroom. She tried to remember anything from the last night to prepare herself for what was about to come, but her memory would play trick on her. Out of nowhere she started to see pictures of her and Kakashi kissing, but she was sure that was just a thing her mind was making up. Or maybe not? She knew she had things for him, she was sure he had something for her too, she wasn't stupid neither was blind. Would she want to find out they'd had sex - definitely no. Would she want to find out they'd made out? She bit her lip. It was getting confusing, or rather it had become confusing the moment her wasted self decided to visit Kakashi. _'So screwed up...'_

She didn't dry her hair to feel fresh for a longer time, but still had headache and a feeling that she'd vomit any second.

* * *

Kakashi sat on his couch comfortably pretending to read his book, while Sakura would take a shower. Once he thought that maybe he shouldn't tell Sakura anything about last night, but hiding didn't seem a good choice either. But what if it affected their relationship not in a good way. He had something to lose. Not telling the truth? Her possible reaction frightened Kakashi more than he thought it would.

"I saw your face". Came a voice that distinctly reminded Sakura's just in time to bring Kakashi back to reality. She passed into the kitchen his eyes attached on her.

"You didn't".

"You have a mole right here", Sakura showed up in the door frame to put her finger on her chin indicating the spot where she remembered it.

"You might've seen only the left half, that doesn't count". Kakashi looked at now pouting Sakura, and irresistible desire to kiss her rose in him. Last night flashbacks blurred his vision. Her taste mixed with alcohol, her skin, her lips on his, on his neck and shoulders, her hands on his back.

"So, tell". Sakura spoke again. She was nervous and afraid to hear details of the night.

"To tell what?"

"What happened last night?" she came back to the living room to find Kakashi staring in his book. It was annoying. Finally she brought herself to start the conversation that was terrifying her, and he wasn't making it any easier. But she'd already started it, so there were no escape routes.

"You get it after you talk!" She said snapping the book out of Kakashi's hands and holing it behind her back.

"Well..." Kakashi looked up at the ceiling as if thinking, "I don't even know where to start". Then he looked at her face, that was giving away her impatience. "You promised to cook for me every day..." Sakura's eyes widened, "and clean my place..." she rolled her eyes, "and take care of my dear pups..."

"You're such a liar!"

"Why? Do you remember anything?" Kakashi never considered that possibility knowing Sakura well, and Sakura knew she couldn't bluff, he just wouldn't buy it. She stuck her tongue out making a face, and that was more than enough of an answer.

"You promised half of your salary from each mission..." Kakashi went on with the list of things Sakura had 'promised'. "Foot massages for me..."

"I didn't!" Sakura broke in.

"What else was there? Oh, right. You asked me out, but I don't remember that was before or after you proposed me".

"As if!" Sakura was intending to pinch his hand, but next words paralyzed her.

"You kissed me". There was a long and tense moment of dead silence. Sakura looked at his calm eyes. Now when the words were spoken out loud they sounded so much different then in her head.

"Oh." she wanted to stay calm herself, but her heart wouldn't agree. She wondered if Kakashi could see through her, see how was her heart pounding fiercely within her chest, like she was going to lose it any second. What to say or do? Apologize? Make a joke out of it? She wasn't sure how much she stood like that.

Meanwhile Kakashi was staring at her face that looked terrified to him. Was it really that bad? She looked like her whole world had been flipped over. _'Hell. Say something, say something...'_ "What's wrong with that face? This is when you say 'you're impossible' or call me a jerk." He spoke again watching her reactions substituting each other.

"Huh?"

Kakashi hoped to make it easier for her. Maybe it was to much for her to accept that something that intimate had happened between them. Maybe she started to hate him the moment he said they'd kissed. Or even worse, felt disgusted?

"Relax Sakura, that was a joke". Kakashi snapped his book back from Sakura's hand and occupied his place back on his couch, while Sakura stood there dumbfounded.

 _'So nothing happened... That's a lie._ _W_ _hat about the marks? The kiss?_ _N_ _othing happened?_ _W_ _e didn't kiss._ _S_ _o I just made it up..._ '

"I'm sorry. I- I saw marks on your neck, I thought I crossed the line last night..."

"You behaved". He lied.

"Yeah, you wouldn't let me. I bet I'd wake up tied up and on the floor otherwise." She let out a laughter trying to make it sound as natural as possible, and some other person would buy it, only not Kakashi.

"No, actually it's not like..."

"You know I have something to deal with sensei." Sakura didn't let him to finish whatever he was about to say. She disappeared in his bathroom door, and returning after a minute waved him bye and before Kakashi could've reacted anyhow she was out of his apartment. He didn't even know she could be that fast. First he wanted to catch up with her, but decided against it. _'Sensei?'_ He looked at the door again and cursed.

* * *

Sakura got home fast. Faster than she'd ever had. First she wanted to run as long as her legs would handle, run into the forest and get lost, but eventually ended up at home. As if her cozy place would protect her from some kind of monster that was after her, that she had no powers to fight back. Well she had no powers indeed, only that called monster was a simple sentence spoken by someone she had crush on.

 _'Liar!_ _S_ _uch a liar!_ _S_ _o I was right, he regrets it. Of course he does, wouldn't you do the same if someone threw himself on you kissing. Drunk... Damn it!'_ She threw herself on her bed and screamed all the emotions out for the mattress to stifle it.

Sakura stayed in her bed for long enough to think through the situation. _'Can you change anything? No. Are you ashamed of yourself?_ _H_ _ell yeah. What can you do to make everything right?'_ For the last question she still didn't have any answers, but she was working on it.

It was a pleasant evening. Sakura looked out the window leaning on her window still. She cast a look on the buildings and trees, not holding her gaze upon anything specific. She looked at everything and nothing at all at once. She looked calm from outside, but there were storms inside. She still didn't have even a clue how to deal with her jerkorite (jerk + favorite) sensei. In her mind she called him with so many different names she didn't even know she had the vocabulary. She was hurt and offended. He shouldn't have lied to her, but he did.

"Demn..." Sakura closed her eyes trying to meditate for a while. She wasn't sure if that would help or no, but wouldn't harm for sure. She adjusted her chin in her palm and closed her eyes. One deep and slow breath. _'Concentrate on your breaths, in and out._ _I_ _n and how Kakashi could do that to me? I should've said what a liar you are, such a dickhead, breathe Sakura... How could you do that to me?_ _P_ _retend like nothing had happened, like you wouldn't let anything to happen, annoying bastard... I'm going to say what a coward you are and you're going to listen to me... What's going on?_ _W_ _hat's happening?'_

Back to the real world everything was changing. Wrong decisions that were made that morning to save friendship, lies that were told for the best... everything suddenly had to be corrected. As Sakura was having her little fight with Kakashi in her head, in real world real Kakashi was squatted down to her eye level, his hand on her face and his bare lips on hers.


End file.
